The Woman Who Saved Me: Donielle Jolie Yanez and the Power of Healing Loudly

 The Woman Who Saved Me: Donielle Jolie Yanez and the Power of Healing Loudly

Before I could name the abuse, she gave me the language to survive it.

When You’re Drowning, You Don’t Need a Lecture You Need a Lifeline

I didn’t discover Donielle Jolie Yanez because I was curious about narcissistic abuse. I discovered her because I was dying from it.

There are moments in survival that don’t feel like life. You’re breathing, but you’re buried. You’re screaming, but no one hears you. You’re surrounded by people, but you’re utterly alone with a truth too dark and too twisted to explain. That’s where I was when Donielle’s voice reached me. Not through a therapist’s office. Not through a self-help book. Through a screen raw, shaking, defiant, and real.

She wasn’t giving a lesson. She was giving a lifeline.

Not Just Another Creator A Survivor Who Told the Truth Without Apology

Most content about narcissistic abuse follows a pattern: neat lists, clinical terms, ten signs you’re being gaslit. But Donielle wasn’t just another creator reciting facts from a textbook. She didn’t speak about abuse she embodied what it means to survive it.

She told her story like it bled from her chest. She wept on camera. She raged on camera. She broke down and stood back up, sometimes in the same breath. There was no filter, no performance, no polished persona. Just the brutal, aching truth of someone who lived it and refused to let others die in silence.

She wasn’t reading off a teleprompter. She was reading out of her soul.

The Puzzle Pieces of My Survival

The first time I heard her voice, something in me cracked open. I didn’t have the words yet for what I had endured gaslighting, psychological warfare, identity erosion. I just knew something was wrong, and that it had almost killed me.

Donielle gave me the first puzzle piece. Then the second. Then the third and fourth. She named what I couldn’t. She decoded the abuse I was still entangled in. And in doing so, she showed me that I wasn’t crazy. I was being systematically dismantled by someone who knew exactly what they were doing.

Her videos weren’t just informative they were oxygen. They were validation. They were survival.

Donielle Jolie Yanez: A Hero of the Movement

In a world that rewards silence, Donielle chose to speak. In a world that gaslights survivors, she stood in her truth and said, “No more.” She was one of the first to heal loudly to weaponize her story not with revenge, but with radical honesty.

She is not just a survivor. She is a life-saver.

She didn’t just educate. She connected. She didn’t just talk. She reached. And in doing so, she became a hero in a movement that’s been starving for leaders who bleed authenticity.

I know I’m not the only one she saved. I’ve heard from hundreds of survivors who say the same thing: “She made me feel seen.”

Her Impact on the Work I Do Today

If it weren’t for Donielle Jolie Yanez, I wouldn’t be alive to write this. I wouldn’t have founded the Heal Loudly™ Movement. I wouldn’t be fighting for the Voiceless Justice Act or the FRANKIE Initiative. I wouldn’t have found the strength to speak for the thousands of survivors who were silenced some permanently.

Every speech I give, every survivor I reach, every life I help pull out of the darkness it traces back to her. Her voice sparked mine. Her courage lit the first fire.

She didn’t just help me understand what narcissistic abuse was. She helped me understand that I could survive it.

A Legacy of Truth-Telling That Saves Lives

Donielle Jolie Yanez is not a footnote in this movement. She is its foundation.

She proved that storytelling is survival. That a trembling voice is still powerful. That vulnerability is the most radical form of resistance. And that when one survivor dares to speak the unspeakable, a thousand others find their breath again.

She healed loudly before it was safe, before it was trending, before most people even knew what narcissistic abuse was.

Thank You, Donielle

This movement is built on truth-tellers. On warriors. On people who refused to stay silent even when their voices shook. Donielle Jolie Yanez is all of that and more.

She gave us the language to understand our trauma. She gave us the mirror to see it clearly. And she gave us the courage to live, even when living felt impossible.

This is not just an article. It’s a thank you letter to the woman who saved my life.

Donielle, wherever you are thank you for healing loudly

The Narcissistic Abuse Declaration of Independence

 The Narcissistic Abuse Declaration of Independence

By Daniel Ryan Cotler

Founder of the Heal Loudly Movement

Author of Voiceless: The Silent Epidemic of Suicide Due to Narcissistic Abuse

Architect of the Voiceless Justice Act and the FRANKIE Initiative

When in the course of human survival, it becomes necessary for those who have been psychologically terrorized to reclaim their autonomy and separate themselves from the control of their abusers, a decent respect to the truth requires that they should declare the causes which compel them to this separation.

I, and all survivors of narcissistic abuse, hold these truths to be self-evident:

That all human beings are born with inherent worth.

That no one is entitled to control another’s mind, body, emotions, or identity.

That psychological abuse is a form of violence strategic, intentional, and designed to destroy.

That narcissistic abuse, when left unchecked, leads to fragmentation of identity, collapse of will, isolation, and, in far too many cases, death by suicide.

That this abuse is not merely “toxic” or “unhealthy” it is premeditated character assassination, psychological warfare, and soul murder.

For too long, society has minimized, dismissed, and misunderstood this form of abuse.

For too long, survivors have been silenced, blamed, or told to “move on” while their abusers walk free.

For too long, we have been forced to endure in silence what should have been exposed and prosecuted.

We declare the era of silence over.

We assert our inalienable rights:

The right to name what happened.

The right to speak loudly, clearly, and without shame.

The right to sever all ties with our abusers emotionally, legally, and spiritually.

The right to be believed, supported, and protected.

The right to heal on our own terms.

The right to pursue justice, accountability, and systemic change.

The right to live without being defined by the people who tried to destroy us.

To that end, I issue this Declaration of Independence from Narcissistic Abuse on behalf of myself, and every survivor who has been demeaned, dehumanized, discredited, and driven to the edge.

Let it be known:

I reject every false narrative constructed about me.

I reject every smear, every lie, every attempt to cast me as unstable, untrustworthy, or unworthy.

I reject the illusion that my silence is noble, that my suffering must be private, or that my voice is too much.

I know who I am in the marrow of my bones and the fire of my spirit and I will no longer ask permission to exist.

I am no longer available for abuse. I am no longer interested in being understood by those committed to misunderstanding me. I am no longer afraid to take up space.

I affirm, publicly and without apology, that I survived.

I affirm that my survival is not shameful, but revolutionary.

That my scars are not evidence of weakness, but of war.

That every attempt to erase me has only made my voice louder.

That I will not be defined by the cruelty of others, but by the strength it took to live through it and rise.

To the abusers who waged psychological war on my mind and body: I name you. I hold you accountable.

To the systems that enabled your abuse and protected your lies: I indict you. I call for change.

To the survivors who still believe their pain must stay hidden: I see you. I fight for you. I speak for the voiceless.

Let this document serve as notice:

We are done healing quietly.

We are done begging to be believed.

We are done accommodating the comfort of those who covered for the abusers.

We will Heal Loudly.

We will organize, legislate, educate, and expose.

We will change laws. We will shift culture.

We will no longer be collateral damage in someone else's pathology.

We will rise, not as victims, but as a global community of truth-tellers united, loud, and unafraid.

I, Daniel Ryan Cotler, affix my name to this declaration as a survivor of narcissistic abuse, a witness to its deadly consequences, and an advocate for a world where psychological warfare is no longer tolerated, minimized, or ignored.

This is my line in the sand.

This is our revolution.

This is the Declaration of Survival.

This is the beginning of the end for silence, for denial, and for abusers who believe they can destroy lives without consequence.

Signed,

Daniel Ryan Cotler

Survivor. Advocate. Author. Leader of the Heal Loudly Movement.

Founder of the Voiceless Justice Act and the FRANKIE Initiative.

Voice for the Voiceless.

Functional Freeze: The Trauma Response That Looks Like Laziness But Is Actually Psychological Shutdown

Functional Freeze: The Trauma Response That Looks Like  Laziness But Is Actually Psychological Shutdown

By Daniel Ryan Cotler, Narcissistic Abuse Expert & Survivor Advocate.

🧠 What Is Functional Freeze?

Functional freeze is a severe trauma response often misdiagnosed as laziness or depression where the body goes through the motions of living, but the mind is trapped in psychological shutdown. This is a nervous system freeze response, commonly found in survivors of narcissistic abuse, complex PTSD, and prolonged emotional trauma.

Unlike acute panic or emotional breakdowns, functional freeze is subtle. Survivors can appear “fine” while feeling disconnected, exhausted, numb, or even dead inside. It is not a personality flaw it is a survival mechanism rooted in unresolved trauma.

🔍 Key Symptoms of Functional Freeze

Common signs include:

Chronic exhaustion and inability to get out of bed

Emotional numbness and mental fog

Disassociation or feeling “checked out”

Forgetting basic tasks or how time passes

Inability to take action despite needing or wanting to

People in functional freeze often blame themselves, but this is not a motivational issue it’s a trauma response.

⚠️ How Narcissistic Abuse Creates Functional Freeze

Survivors of narcissistic abuse are highly vulnerable to functional freeze because the abuse is repetitive, subtle, and psychologically destabilizing. Over time, the nervous system learns that neither fight nor flight is safe so it shuts down instead.

When you're gaslit, stonewalled, manipulated, and emotionally invalidated long enough, your body stops trusting the world. You go into freeze mode not because you're weak, but because your brain has adapted to survive psychological warfare.

This is what psychological abuse does it breaks down your sense of agency while forcing you to keep functioning.

🧬 The Brain Science Behind Functional Freeze

Functional freeze is not “in your head”it’s in your nervous system. Trauma literally reshapes your brain:

The amygdala goes into overdrive, constantly scanning for danger

The prefrontal cortex (responsible for logic and focus) shuts down

The hippocampus shrinks, impairing memory and time orientation

This is neurological trauma, not just emotional distress.

🤐 Why It’s Misunderstood

The freeze response is misunderstood because it looks invisible. Survivors can go to work, post on social media, or respond to texts but inside, they’re shutting down. Society sees functioning and assumes wellness. But the truth is:

Functional freeze mimics high functioning depression

Survivors are praised for coping while internally collapsing

Most people including doctors don’t recognize it as trauma

💬 What Survivors Say

Real words from those living in freeze:

 “I want to shower, I just can’t get up.”

“I don’t even know how I’m alive right now.”

“It’s like I’m watching my life from the outside.”

“I’m so tired of pretending I’m okay.”

If you relate to these words, you are not alone and you are not broken.

🛑 Stop Calling This Laziness. It’s Psychological Captivity.

Functional freeze is a symptom of psychological captivity, not weakness. Telling survivors to “just get motivated” is retraumatizing. They don’t need a pep talk they need trauma-informed support, somatic healing, and safety.

This is not burnout. This is not a bad attitude.

This is the cost of being trapped in emotional abuse long enough that your body shut down to survive.

💡 How to Start Healing from Functional Freeze

Recovery isn’t about willpower it’s about nervous system repair. 

That includes:

Somatic therapy (body-based trauma healing)

Polyvagal work (regulating the vagus nerve)

Self-compassion, not self-criticism

Safe, validating relationships that don’t gaslight or minimize

Functional freeze is reversible, but only when we name it, understand it, and treat it like the legitimate trauma response it is.

📢 We Need Awareness, Legal Recognition, and Justice

It’s time to educate the world about what psychological abuse does. We need trauma-informed doctors, therapists, judges, and laws that recognize this isn’t emotional drama it’s emotional damage.

Support survivors.

Expose the truth about narcissistic abuse.

And help us make history by signing our legislative petition.

👉 Sign the Voiceless Justice Act Petition Now

📍 www.change.org/VoicelessJusticeAct

Narcissistic Abuse SURVIVOR STORIES “He Said He Can’t Wait to Go to My Funeral”

Narcissistic Abuse SURVIVOR STORIES

“He Said He Can’t Wait to Go to My Funeral”

Submitted to the Heal Loudly Movement. Name changed for privacy.

This one… this one leaves no room for doubt.

No room for pretending narcissistic abuse isn’t deadly.

No room for soft language or silence.

She came forward because her soul has been shattered. Not metaphorically literally. Systematically. Deliberately. And in writing, her abuser told her exactly what he wanted:

“I can’t wait to go to your funeral.”

Let’s not dance around what that is.

That is premeditated psychological murder. That is a narcissist admitting the endgame.

And yet… no consequences.

This survivor wasn’t just abused by one person she was hunted by an entire family system.

A cult of enablers.

A circle of silence.

The kind of multi-front abuse that erodes everything: your mind, your trust, your identity, your hope.

 “Nobody will listen to what I have to say.”

That line should haunt us all. Because it echoes in every survivor’s chest.

She’s not alone in that. The courts ignore it. Friends drift. Therapists sometimes minimize it. And the world just… doesn’t know what to do with a victim whose abuser never left bruises, only invisible burns that never stop hurting.

But we do.

We know.

And we are listening.

 “It’s just as bad as a serial killer. They’ll lock up a serial killer. But they let this happen. Every day.”

She’s right. Narcissistic abuse is predatory. It’s life-threatening. And it should be criminal.

It’s not “just emotional abuse.” It’s psychological warfare designed to end lives in slow motion.

It’s not “just manipulation.” It’s a pattern of destruction that mirrors tactics used by dictators and cult leaders.

And it should never never—be legal.

The Voiceless Justice Act was written for people exactly like this.

For the ones screaming into the void, begging for someone anyone to hear them before it’s too late.

To the survivor who sent this: you are not crazy. You are not broken. You are not alone.

You are evidence.

And now, you're part of the resistance.

⚖️ CALL TO ACTION: Help Us Make Narcissistic Abuse Illegal

Sign the Voiceless Justice Act petition to criminalize narcissistic abuse, hold abusers accountable for driving victims to suicide, and protect survivors before it’s too late.

🖊️ www.change.org/VoicelessJusticeAct

Narcissistic abuse is life-threatening. It is psychological murder.

And it’s time the law caught up with the truth.

ORIGINAL MESSAGE (Unedited)

 I was abused by a narcissist and his whole family. He still tortures me. I knew I wasn’t crazy. But nobody will listen to what I have to say and now my soul is shattered my life has been ruined. I have in writing from him that he can’t wait to go to my funeral.

We need to fight together and make this illegal because it is life-threatening for narcissists to be able to abuse somebody and get away with it.

I think doing something that makes it illegal would help those who don’t have a voice. It would give those a voice who need to be heard.

It’s just as bad as a serial killer. They will lock up a serial killer, and the one victim that got away they help.

#narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #Voiceless #thevoicelessjusticeact

Narcissistic Abuse Survivor Story She Doesn’t Even Know She’s Dying"

Narcissistic Abuse Survivor Story (Anonymous Submission)

"She Doesn’t Even Know She’s Dying"

I have a friend who is being destroyed by narcissistic abuse. Not by one person nbut by many. By a lifetime of trauma stacked on top of trauma, like bricks on her chest she was never strong enough to carry but no one ever helped her unload.

She’s been hurt in the worst ways, by more people than I can count. It started with the unthinkable trauma from a family member. The kind of trauma that rewires your brain, your spirit, your instincts. Now, every man she meets becomes another abuser. It’s like she’s trapped in a loop, repeating the same pain over and over, and I can’t pull her out.

Her brain is locked in survival mode fight, flight, freeze. Sometimes fawn. She doesn’t realize how broken she is, because this has become her normal. She’s been held against her will. She’s disappeared into jails and courtrooms and toxic relationships and come back acting like nothing happened. The police won’t help unless she files something. But she never does, because she doesn’t believe she’s worth saving.

I’ve tried everything. I’ve called sheriffs. I’ve begged people to listen. I have my own health problems, and still I pour every ounce of what I have into trying to help her. I don’t even know how. It’s like the words just come out of me when we talk. I think it’s God. I think He’s using me to reach her. Because she doesn’t talk to anyone else like she talks to me. And I don’t talk to anyone else like I talk to her.

Sometimes I feel like we knew each other in another life. Our souls are bonded. She is the only person I speak to every single day. And when she disappears, I worry it’s the end. Her family doesn’t care. Her mom’s checked out completely. My own family says I should walk away that she’s dragging me down. But I can’t. She's special. Her spirit is rare. And she’s worth saving, even if the world doesn’t see it.

What hurts the most is watching someone you love drown while everyone else calls it “drama.”

They don’t see the trauma.

They don’t see the little girl still begging to be rescued from that first betrayal.

I don’t want pity.

I want people to wake up.

This kind of trauma doesn’t go away on its own. It kills. Slowly. Silently. And no one even writes a report.

I won’t let her become another silent funeral. Not if I can help it.

I don’t know what else to do but I know she’s not crazy.

She’s just never been safe.

And I’m not giving up on her.

#narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #Voiceless #thevoicelessjusticeact

SURVIVOR STORIES “I Died. And Came Back to Tell the Truth

 SURVIVOR STORIES

“I Died. And Came Back to Tell the Truth.”

Submitted to the Heal Loudly Movement. Name changed for privacy.

In 2021, she met a man on a dating app charming, attentive, magnetic. The kind that sweeps you off your feet and makes the whole world feel like a movie.

It felt like fate.

She followed love from Denmark to Cyprus, and finally to Nigeria, where they married. It should have been a fairytale. But like so many survivors of narcissistic abuse, what she thought was love quickly unraveled into something much darker.

When they returned to Denmark, everything changed.

Behind closed doors, the mask fell.

What followed was a descent into deceit, manipulation, and psychological abuse.

What she once called romance became control.

What looked like love became a slow, calculated undoing of her identity.

 “I lost myself. I couldn’t see a way out.”

The emotional damage was catastrophic. The gaslighting was relentless. She was isolated from her support system. Her reality was twisted beyond recognition. The pain built up until it swallowed everything including her will to live.

Then came the suicide attempt.

This wasn’t a cry for help. This was her body giving up because her spirit had been broken.

She was clinically dead for several minutes.

Dead.

Until doctors revived her and pulled her back.

“I died. But I came back. And now I’m telling the truth.”

This is what narcissistic abuse does.

It doesn’t just ruin reputations or cause emotional pain.

It kills.

Quietly. Invisibly. Legally.

And it’s still not criminal.

How many more survivors have to die or come closebbefore we call this what it is? Psychological murder. Emotional terrorism. A human rights violation disguised as a relationship.

This survivor lived to tell her story. Not everyone does.

And now, her voice joins the growing chorus demanding justice

⚖️ CALL TO ACTION: Join the Fight to Criminalize Narcissistic Abuse

Sign the Voiceless Justice Act petition today.

Help us make psychological abuse a crime. Help us hold perpetrators accountable. Help us stop this epidemic before more lives are lost.

🖊️ www.change.org/VoicelessJusticeAct

Narcissistic abuse is a silent killer. But we’re done being silent.

Narcissistic abuse Survivor Stories

 SURVIVOR STORIES

“Her Truth Didn’t Die With Her”

Submitted to the Heal Loudly Movement. Name changed for privacy.

Some stories come in and leave a mark on your soul and this one carved itself in deep.

A survivor recently reached out after watching one of our videos about emotional murder. Her message hit like lightning: painfully honest, deeply moving, and tragically familiar to far too many of us.

She lost her mother to suicide.

But it wasn’t just suicide.

It was emotional murder.

 “The day I lost my mother, I knew how, why, and who was responsible.”

This survivor watched her mother suffer at the hands of a narcissistic abuser for years until it broke her spirit. She tried everything: speaking out, pleading with family, friends, even the police. But no one listened. Not really. Not enough.

They closed the case. Wrote it off as mental illness.

But they never asked what caused that illness.

They never questioned who cultivated the despair that killed her.

Her father her mother’s abuser still walks free. Still wears the costume of a good man. He even has the churches fooled. But behind closed doors, this man orchestrated the slow and steady destruction of a woman’s will to live.

  “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to explain it what he did to her. What he put her through. But people don’t want to see it. He plays the part too well.”

This survivor is done being silent. And she’s right to be. She called it what it is: a public safety hazard. Because when abusers are never held accountable, they don’t stop. They just move on to the next victim.

And we we who see it we have a responsibility to expose it.

 “I truly believe if we got enough people’s stories out into the world, it would make a difference.”

She’s not wrong. That’s the heart of the Heal Loudly Movement. Her story and her mother’s story deserve to be heard, honored, and remembered as more than a statistic or a quiet tragedy.

Because her mother didn’t die because she was “mentally ill.”

She died because she was emotionally tortured.

By a narcissist who still pretends to be the victim.

And that that is the epidemic no one wants to name.

But we will.

And we’ll keep naming it.

Loudly.

“Her truth didn’t die with her. Not on my watch.”

ORIGINAL LETTER (Unedited)

> I was truly so moved by your video, the day I lost my mother I knew how, why and who was responsible. I watched my mother live a sad life of torture until it ultimately cost her her life. I can’t tell you how many times I've tried to express what you did in your video to loved ones, friends, anyone who would listen to me to expose her abuser and try to hold him accountable for this unforgivable treatment to my mother. I pleaded! With the police to listen to me and they closed my mother’s case and chalked it up to mental illness without realizing who, what, and why her mental health deteriorated resulting in her taking her own life.

The pain this monster has inflicted on me and my mother will unfortunately never stop because he paints himself as this perfect man on the outside to everyone—he even has the churches fooled.

I wanted to reach out because this is something I’m extremely passionate about. When you said it was emotional shmerder... That's literally!! What it is and it won’t stop if we don’t spread awareness to others. In my opinion it’s a true and valid safety hazard to society that monsters like that walk around and just continue to their next victims with no repercussions!

My mother did take her own life but the truth and facts are so much deeper than that. The horrendous actions of my father is and should be held responsible.

If I can help in any way! Whatsoever to the message you're trying to send, I'm all in! I truly believe if we got enough people’s stories and what they went through out there in the world it would make a difference. So again please let me know. I’ve finally come to a place mentally where I’m ready to share my mother’s story, her truth. No one should ever! Go through narc. abuse.

If you’ve read this and made it this far, thank you so much! Your video made me realize I’m not alone and what my mother went through is very real. So again thank you! For all you do!

⚖️ CALL TO ACTION: SIGN THE PETITION TO END EMOTIONAL MURDER

Join the fight for the Voiceless. Sign the Voiceless Justice Act today.

👉 www.change.org/VoicelessJusticeAct

Too many survivors die before they’re believed.

Too many abusers walk free, hiding behind charm, status, and false smiles.

And too often, the truth is buried with the victim.

This is not “just” suicide.

It’s psychological homicide.

It's emotional murder.

And it's happening every single day.

Victims of narcissistic abuse aren’t just “sad.”

They’re systematically broken down isolated, gaslit, manipulated, and driven to believe death is their only escape.

This epidemic is real. It’s silent. And it’s deadly.

The Voiceless Justice Act is a federal petition to recognize narcissistic abuse as the lethal psychological warfare that it is and to hold abusers legally accountable when their victims are driven to suicide.

No more silence. No more dismissal. No more pretending narcissistic abuse isn’t fatal.

🖊️ Sign the petition. Be a voice for those who no longer have one.

www.change.org/VoicelessJusticeAct

“Tactics of Psychological Warfare: How Narcissists Break You Like the CIA”

 🎥 Series Title:

“Tactics of Psychological Warfare: How Narcissists Break You Like the CIA”

The 100 War Tactics of Narcissistic Abuse 

By Daniel Ryan Cotler

“This Is Psychological Warfare Not a Breakup”

This isn't drama. This isn't a messy relationship. This is psychological warfarebthe kind designed by intelligence agencies to break prisoners of war.

And narcissists are using it. Every single day.

They're not just toxic. They're tactical. Every mood swing, every silent treatment, every gaslighting session is not random. It's programmed. It's calculated. It's a weapon.

These tactics come directly from CIA interrogation manuals, KGB psychological operations, and military torture programs. And survivors of narcissistic abuse are living through this hell silently, invisibly, every single day.

And what happens when people don’t understand it? They tell us to “just move on.” They say, “it couldn’t have been that bad.” Survivors are left to question their own minds, feel crazy, isolate themselves, and collapse under the weight of confusion and shame.

This series will expose 100 psychological warfare tactics used by narcissists one by one so the world can see the full truth. Because this isn’t a personality disorder gone rogue. This is a methodical destruction of identity. A systematic erasure of the self. A soul-level genocide.

And we’re done being quiet.

This is the beginning of a movement. This is the call to every survivor who was ever gaslit into silence, into shame, into suicide.

Follow the series. Share the truth. And support the Voiceless Justice Act at www.change.org/VoicelessJusticeAct.

This is war. But this time, we’re fighting back.

Tactic 1: Sleep Deprivation Weaponizing Exhaustion

Sleep deprivation is one of the most powerful torture methods ever documented. The CIA's own KUBARK interrogation manual, used to break down prisoners of war, outlines it clearly: deny someone sleep long enough, and you can make them confess to anything, believe anything, forget who they are.

Narcissistic abusers use this same tactic without a prison, without a cage, and without a single weapon. Just your bed. Just your brain.

They pick fights late at night. They create chaos as soon as your body starts to rest. They accuse you of cheating at 2am. They storm into the room yelling when they know you have an early shift. And they do it again. And again. And again.

Why? Because sleep deprivation doesn’t just make you tired it makes you vulnerable. It dismantles your ability to think critically. You can’t focus. You can’t regulate your emotions. You become foggy, confused, compliant. You forget what’s real. You start to break.

When you’re deprived of sleep for long enough, your brain literally starts to malfunction. You experience memory loss. Impaired decision-making. Emotional instability. Your immune system weakens. You get sick more often. You lose your appetite. You gain weight or lose it rapidly. You cry for no reason. Or you stop crying completely.

It doesn’t stop there. Survivors often report terrifying episodes of sleep paralysis waking up frozen, unable to move, with hallucinations that feel demonic. That isn’t “drama.” That’s what the brain does under chronic trauma and exhaustion.

Your nervous system enters permanent survival mode. You live in fight-or-flight. Even in silence, even in safety, your body doesn’t relax. You flinch at night noises. You wake up sweating. You dread going to bed, because bed is now a war zone.

And when you finally get out of the relationship, your sleep still doesn’t come back. You stay wired. You stay exhausted. The trauma is burned into your nervous system.

This isn’t a spat. This isn’t toxic communication. This is psychological warfare.

Sleep deprivation is a crime against the mind. And in narcissistic abuse, it’s used to soften you up so you won’t notice the next lie, the next betrayal, the next manipulation. Because when your mind is too tired to fight back, the narcissist wins.

This is only one of 100 documented tactics used by narcissistic abusers that mirror war crimes and interrogation programs.

If you're a survivor, this is not your fault. You were broken down methodically.

If you're not a survivor, now you know. This is not a messy relationship. It’s an invisible battlefield. And too many people are dying on it without a single soul realizing they were ever at war.

This is psychological murder.

Support the Voiceless Justice Act and help us expose, criminalize, and eradicate psychological abuse.

👉 Visit www.change.org/VoicelessJusticeAct

Because silence is what they count on. And silence is what we’re ending.

Today is Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day. For those who are looking for closure.

Today is Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day. For those who are looking for closure.

If you are reading this, then you already know how devastating narcissistic abuse is. This kind of abuse doesn’t just break hearts it breaks lives. It destroys self-worth, dismantles identities, and far too often, it ends in tragedy. Many people don’t survive it.

And for those who do, they’re often left haunted by questions that may never be answered. They find themselves searching for closure, clinging to the hope that the person who hurt them will one day offer an apology, an explanation, or a moment of remorse.

But here’s the truth that no one wants to say out loud: That apology is never coming. That closure you’re hoping for will not come from your abuser. They are not capable of giving it to you. Closure requires empathy, accountability, and a conscienceband those are not traits that narcissistic abusers possess.

So today, I want to talk to you about creating your own closure. Because healing cannot begin when you’re still waiting for validation from the very person who invalidated everything about you.

The hardest truth in all of this is realizing that the person you loved the one you fought for, the one you believed in doesn’t exist. That person was never real. You fell in love with a carefully constructed illusion. A false self. A mask. And coming to terms with that is like grieving a ghost.

It is painful. It is confusing. You feel like you’re mourning someone who isn’t dead but also someone who never truly lived. And yet, your love for them was real. That needs to be honored. You are not foolish for loving them. You are human. You loved with your whole heart, and that is something to be proud of.

But here’s the next step. In order to heal, you have to separate the person you loved from the person who abused you. You have to split them into two. And to do that, you need to say goodbye to the fantasy. You need to let go of the version of them that you created in your mind the version you believed in.

I suggest something that changed everything for me: have a funeral.

Not for the abuser. But for the person you thought they were. Write a poem. Write a eulogy. Write a goodbye letter. Then go somewhere quiet alone, or with a few trusted people and read it. Say goodbye. Mourn the loss. Cry. Rage. Honor your love, and then release it.

This is your closure. This is the beginning of reclaiming your life.

When I did this, it broke me wide open. But it also helped me separate the illusion from the reality. It helped me stop confusing the mask for the monster. And that separation is what kept me from getting sucked back in. It is what gave me the clarity to stay away and the strength to rebuild.

Every day, I wake up and I still grieve the person I thought I loved. It feels like they died. So I treat it like a loss. Like I’m a widow. But I also remind myself: that version of them never existed. It was all a lie.

And in grieving that lie, I found the truth.

To every survivor out there today, I want you to know: your closure is not waiting in their apology. It’s waiting in your hands. You have the power to create it. To declare it. To honor your pain, and then begin your healing.

You are not broken. You are breaking free.

Grieve the ghost. Say goodbye to the illusion. And then rise.

Because healing is not about what they do.

It’s about what you do now.

How Many People Have to Die Before Narcissistic Abuse is Taken Seriously?

 How Many People Have to Die Before Narcissistic Abuse is Taken Seriously?

Narcissistic abuse is not a buzzword. It is not a dramatic overreaction or a therapy fad. It is a deliberate, premeditated form of psychological terrorism that leaves behind a trail of invisible corpses. The victims may look alive, but inside, they are often shells battling complex PTSD, addiction, chronic illness, dissociation, and far too often, suicidal ideation that ends in tragedy.

So we ask how many have to die before this form of abuse is treated with the gravity it deserves?

When someone takes their own life after years of psychological warfare, the world shrugs. Families are told they were mentally ill. The abuser walks free. The victim’s truth is buried with them. Suicide by narcissistic abuse isn’t in the textbooks. It isn’t in the courtrooms. It isn’t even part of the domestic violence conversation. And yet, it is one of the most deadly forms of interpersonal violence in existence.

Let’s be blunt: narcissistic abuse kills. It kills through despair. It kills through isolation. It kills by stripping victims of their identity, their voice, their stability, and their will to live. It kills slowly systematically while the abuser remains protected by a society that refuses to name the crime.

We have hotlines for physical abuse. We have shelters for battered spouses. But where are the safe houses for victims of narcissistic abuse? Where is the emergency response for someone whose mind has been hijacked and fractured by coercive control? Where is the training for law enforcement, for judges, for therapists, to recognize the weaponized empathy, the calculated cruelty, and the psychological chains that bind victims to their abuser?

Instead of being believed, survivors are often pathologized. Instead of protection, they face disbelief. Instead of justice, they endure retraumatization. If they speak out, they’re called crazy. If they stay silent, they’re buried by the weight of unprocessed trauma. Either way, the abuser wins.

This must end.

We need a radical shift in how we understand, legislate, and respond to narcissistic abuse. We need legal recognition that psychological abuse is not just damaging it is deadly. We need to establish clear pathways for intervention, protection, and accountability. We need education that reaches beyond the therapy room and into schools, courtrooms, hospitals, and media platforms.

And above all, we need names. We need to call narcissistic abuse what it truly is: psychological murder.

The Voiceless Justice Act and the FRANKIE Initiative are designed to change this broken system. These policies seek to establish a federal registry for verified narcissistic abusers, implement national education and training standards, and finally criminalize coercive psychological abuse when it results in suicide or life-threatening trauma.

It is time to stop whispering about what’s happening in the shadows. It is time to stop sanitizing the truth. This epidemic is stealing lives.

How many more have to die?

Take action now. Support the Voiceless Justice Act and the FRANKIE Initiative. Sign the petition at www.change.org/VoicelessJusticeAct.

The Most Dangerous Lie I Ever Believed: “They Made Me Feel This Way

 The Most Dangerous Lie I Ever Believed: “They Made Me Feel This Way”

By Daniel Ryan Cotler

Today, I want to speak directly from the heart. This is one of those honest conversations where healing meets truth, and maybe, just maybe, you’ll recognize a version of your past self in what I’m about to say.

For years, I carried a belief that felt completely true. But it wasn’t.

I used to tell myself things like:

“They made me feel like I had no worth.”

“They made me feel invisible.”

“They made me feel like I didn’t matter.”

And I hear countless survivors say the same thing. These words sound right. They feel valid. After all, when someone constantly violates your boundaries, chips away at your self-worth, and manipulates your reality, what else are you supposed to feel?

But here’s the truth that changed everything for me and I share this not to judge, but to empower.

They didn’t make me feel that way.

What hurt me most was that I kept allowing myself to feel that way… by staying.

Let me break that down.

Every time I tolerated disrespect, I reinforced the idea that I was willing to be treated that way.

Every time I kept quiet to avoid conflict or make someone else comfortable, I silenced my truth.

Every time I made excuses for cruelty, I participated in my own devaluation.

Every time I lowered my standards, looked the other way, or accepted another broken apology I was sending a message to myself and to them:

“You can treat me this way. I will stay.”

It wasn’t because I enjoyed being treated poorly.

It wasn’t because I didn’t know something was wrong.

It was because, deep down, I hadn’t yet recognized my own worth.

And here’s the hardest part of all:

The deepest grief I carried wasn’t over what they did to me. It was over who I allowed myself to become in order to keep them in my life.

That’s not self-blame. That’s self-awareness.

Healing is not about punishing yourself for what you didn’t know. It’s about telling the truth to yourself for the first time in a long time.

It’s realizing:

I wasn’t just a victim of what they did.

I became a participant in what I allowed.

Before you put your guard up, let me be clear this isn’t about blaming yourself for the abuse you endured.

This is about reclaiming your power.

It’s about recognizing the only thing you’ve ever truly had control over:

The power to walk away.

The power to say, “This energy is not welcome in my life.”

The power to understand, “This behavior is not love.”

The power to decide, “This pain has no place in my purpose.”

The power to declare, “You don’t get to define my worth.”

If you are still giving chance after chance to someone who has repeatedly shown you who they are…

If you are still hoping they’ll change if you just love them a little harder, suffer a little quieter, or wait a little longer

I urge you to ask yourself:

What part of you still believes you don’t deserve better?

What part of you thinks pain is the price of connection?

You don’t have to be fully healed to have boundaries.

You don’t need to be perfect to say no.

You don’t need their permission to protect your peace.

All you need is one moment of truth.

One moment of clarity.

One moment where you decide:

“I’m done shrinking myself to fit into someone else’s small version of love.”

“I’m done handing over my value to people who don’t know how to hold it.”

“I’m done letting others dictate how I feel about myself.”

Because here is the truth:

Your value does not decrease when someone else fails to see it.

It only decreases when you forget it’s there.

So today, I encourage you to stop asking, “Why do they keep making me feel like this?”

Instead, ask the real question:

“Why do I keep letting them?”

And then, without shame…

Without guilt…

Without waiting for anyone else’s permission…

Take your power back.

Because it was never theirs to keep.

They just had it on loan.

When Intimacy Is Used as a Weapon: Speaking the Truth About Intimate Partner Violence

 When Intimacy Is Used as a Weapon: Speaking the Truth About Intimate Partner Violence

There’s something I need to talk about something many survivors of narcissistic abuse and intimate partner violence have experienced but rarely feel safe enough to name. It’s the kind of abuse that doesn’t leave visible bruises, but it leaves permanent scars on your psyche, your sense of reality, and your ability to trust.

For me, it was one of the most psychologically shattering parts of the abuse I endured.

For the first time in my life, I thought I had found both the physical and emotional connection I had always longed for. Until then, people had either been attracted to me but emotionally unavailable, or they had loved me in theory but discarded me when I needed real intimacy. I never had both not at the same time. But with my abuser, it felt different. At least at first.

He made me feel seen. He made me feel beautiful. He created an illusion of safety and depth. Sex felt intimate, even sacred. He mirrored all my dreams and convinced me we were building something real. I believed it with my whole heart. I believed I had finally found what I had been searching for my entire life. But what I found was a carefully constructed lie. When the truth unraveled, it shattered me in ways I’m still learning how to understand.

What made it even more psychologically confusing what turned the pain into trauma was what he did to me when I was most vulnerable.

There were moments when I was on the brink of suicide moments where I was disoriented, desperate, and completely broken. And instead of helping me, he used those moments to tighten his grip on me. He would tell me that how I acted in the next few minutes would determine how the night went. Then he would bring out drugs. Sometimes he would inject them into me himself. I wasn’t in any state to make decisions. I was fighting for my life, and he knew it. He took advantage of it.

And then he would force himself on me.

But it wasn’t just physical assault. It was psychological assault. During the assaults, he would start describing our wedding day in vivid detail. He would ask me to imagine us adopting a daughter together. He would make me name her right there in the middle of what was happening. And when he would finish inside me, he would whisper things about forever, about family, about a life he was pretending we were building together.

And I just stood there. Dissociated. Disconnected. Confused. Dazed. Trying to make sense of what was happening to me.

This is what makes intimate partner violence so hard to talk about because it doesn’t always look like violence. Sometimes, it looks like love. Sometimes, it looks like connection. Sometimes, it looks like a wedding proposal in the middle of a rape. It’s not just betrayal. It’s betrayal that is wrapped in false tenderness, designed to make you question your own memory, your own reactions, your own worth.

For a long time, I couldn’t understand why I didn’t fight harder. Why I didn’t run. Why I didn’t scream. But the truth is, I was in survival mode. I was manipulated, drugged, emotionally entrapped, and psychologically broken down to the point where my nervous system shut down. I wasn’t “letting it happen.” I was being held hostage inside my own body.

This is what needs to be understood: intimate partner violence is not just about physical beatings. It is about psychological bondage. It is about coercion. It is about weaponizing vulnerability and exploiting the deepest parts of someone’s soul. It is about manufacturing connection as a form of control. And when someone does that to you, they are not loving you they are dismantling you.

If you’ve experienced something like this, I want you to hear me clearly: It wasn’t your fault. You were manipulated. You were conditioned to believe that this was love. You were made to feel like you had no choice. And what you felt the confusion, the pain, the dissociation that was your body trying to protect you.

There is nothing shameful about how you survived.

You may still be trying to make sense of it. You may still be wondering if it was “really” abuse because there were times it felt so real. But abuse that disguises itself as love is still abuse. And when someone fuses intimacy with terror, connection with coercion, and affection with assault that is intimate partner violence in its most insidious form.

One day, you’ll be able to call it what it was without shame.

One day, the confusion will start to clear.

One day, the power they stole will begin to return to you.

And on that day, you’ll realize: You weren’t discarded.

You were set free.

#survivingfrankiezerella #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #narcissistexposed #toxicrelationship #narcissistabuseawareness #empathsunite #healedloudly #healingjourney #breakthecycle #empathpower #thevoicelessjusticeact #psychologicalwarfare

The Hardest Question in Healing: Why Did I Stay?

 The Hardest Question in Healing: Why Did I Stay?

This one’s going to be hard to hear. But if you’re reading this, I know you’re ready. Maybe not ready to be comfortable but ready to be honest. And honesty is where healing begins.

To truly take your power back, you have to do something that almost feels unfair. You have to take responsibility not for what they did, but for what you allowed. For what you tolerated. For what you excused. Not because it was your fault. It wasn’t. But because you’re the only one who can reclaim your life now.

Let’s be clear: You didn’t cause the abuse. You didn’t deserve it. You were manipulated, gaslit, lied to, broken down. You were made to question your reality, your instincts, your worth. You survived something most people can’t even imagine. And you did the best you could with what you knew at the time. That deserves compassion not shame.

But healing asks you to go deeper. To ask the question that gnaws at your soul in the quiet moments:

Why did I stay?

It’s not a question of blame. It’s a question of truth. And it’s a question only you can answer.

I asked myself that same question—over and over. At first, I came up with all the usual reasons.

“I thought I could fix them.”

“I didn’t want to be alone.”

“I believed in their potential.”

“I was trauma bonded.”

“I was afraid of what would happen if I left.”

And all of those were true. Every single one. But they weren’t the deepest truth. And healing doesn’t stop at the surface.

So I kept digging.

And eventually, I found something raw. Something so vulnerable it almost shattered me to name it:

I stayed because I was trying to protect my innocence.

I didn’t want to believe people could be that cruel.

I didn’t want to let go of the belief that everyone had good inside them.

I didn’t want to accept that someone I loved could see my pain and keep causing it anyway.

Holding on to that innocence was my last form of hope. If I could just love them more, be better, give more grace maybe I wouldn’t have to confront the terrifying truth that some people aren’t good. Some people use love as a weapon. Some people hurt others and don’t feel bad about it. Some people know exactly what they’re doing.

And that broke me. Because if I let that truth in, then the whole foundation of how I saw the world would collapse. It felt safer to keep believing that there was something I could do to fix it.

But that illusion was costing me everything my peace, my sanity, my self-worth.

There is no shame in how long you stayed. There is no shame in how hard you loved. But at some point, you have to stop fighting to protect your old beliefs and start fighting to protect yourself.

Because staying in that cycle was never love. It was self-abandonment. And you don’t deserve to keep abandoning yourself in the name of loyalty, hope, or fear.

You deserve honesty. You deserve to look at your reflection and say,

“I see you. I know why you stayed. And I’m not judging you. But we’re not doing that anymore.”

You have to answer the question not to blame yourself but to free yourself.

Healing doesn’t ask for perfection. It asks for truth. And the truth is, your power begins where your denial ends.

So ask the question. Let the answers come without shame, without judgment. Just truth.

Because behind every hard answer is a door back to yourself. And you’ve been gone long enough.

You Can’t Keep Running from the Pain

 You Can’t Keep Running from the Pain

Healing doesn’t happen in avoidance. It begins the moment you stop running.

I used to believe that if I could just outrun the pain through distractions, new relationships, staying busy, or numbing out I’d eventually leave it behind. But pain doesn’t work like that. It’s not something you escape. It’s something that waits. And wherever you pause whether that’s a week, a year, or a decade it’ll still be right there, asking to be heard.

You can’t run from what’s inside you. You can only delay the moment you finally face it.

There comes a time in your healing journey where you have to make a choice: keep running from the pain, or run into it with everything you’ve got.

Because what you're actually running from isn’t just pain. You’re running from yourself from the parts of you that were silenced, betrayed, dismissed, or never taught how to cope. You're avoiding the mirror because you're afraid of what you'll see: the shame, the regret, the rage, the grief. But you have to confront that reflection. You have to listen to the parts of you that are screaming beneath the surface the angry parts, the broken parts, the parts that still don’t understand why it all happened the way it did.

And more importantly, you have to love them.

You can’t shame your way into healing. You can’t ignore the wounded pieces and expect to feel whole. That’s not how this works. If you're going to heal, you have to pull those pieces out from the shadows and sit with them like they matter. Because they do matter. Every part of you yes, even the ones that lash out, even the ones that sabotage, even the ones you’re ashamed of are trying to protect you the only way they know how.

They're not your enemy. They’re your history.

We live in a culture that tells us to “just move on,” “think positive,” or “let it go.” But that’s not healing that’s bypassing. And all bypassing does is bury the pain deeper until it starts manifesting in your relationships, your choices, and your mental health.

You can't bury pain and expect it to disappear. You bury it alive and it grows.

True healing starts when you stop abandoning yourself. It begins when you look in the mirror and say, “I’m willing to listen now. Even if it hurts. Even if I don’t have all the answers. Even if I’m scared.”

Eventually, if you stay in that space long enough with honesty, patience, and compassion you’ll reach a turning point. A day where something cracks open inside you, and instead of fighting your pain, you understand it. You forgive yourself for not knowing better. You finally start to feel compassion for the younger version of you who was just doing the best they could to survive.

That moment is powerful. Because the day you forgive yourself is the day the war in your mind begins to quiet. The shame starts to dissolve. The noise in your head, the one that tells you you’re not enough, that you’re broken, that you’re unlovable it loses its power. And in its place, you start to hear something you haven’t heard in a long time: peace.

That’s what healing sounds like. Not silence from the world but silence from within.

The angry parts? They were just looking for validation. The mean parts? They were trying to protect your heart. The sad parts? They were begging to be held. All of them need the same thing: love.

So no you can’t keep running. Not if you want real peace.

You have to run into the pain, not away from it.

And when you do, you’ll meet yourself in the fire.

Not to be burned but to be reborn.

The dangers.of relationship with people who have low emotional intelligence

Be careful when you get involved with a narcissist. They lack the emotional intelligence to truly understand or see your feelings. Instead, they twist things to serve their own needs, leaving you feeling invisible and unheard.

They struggle to regulate their emotions, so you’ll often find yourself walking on eggshells around their sudden anger or cold moods. It’s exhausting and unfair, but it’s part of how they operate.

They also lack self-awareness. They don’t recognize or don’t want to recognize how their actions hurt those around them. Because of this, they repeatedly cross boundaries and cause pain without taking responsibility.

And empathy? That’s something they simply don’t have. They can’t genuinely feel what you’re going through or respect your feelings. Your pain doesn’t register with them, and your boundaries often mean nothing.

So protect yourself. Surround yourself with people who have emotional intelligence, who understand themselves and care about others. People who can manage their emotions without taking it out on you. Because if you don’t, you’ll bear the cost of their immaturity and lack of growth and that’s a heavy burden no one should carry.

sign the petition

 www.change.org/VoicelessJusticeAct 

Daniel Ryan Cotler

Grieving Someone Who Never Existed: Why Narcissistic Abuse Breaks the Human Spirit

 Grieving Someone Who Never Existed: Why Narcissistic Abuse Breaks the Human Spirit

June 1st | Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day

Www.change.org/VoicelessJusticeAct

One of the most excruciating parts of healing from narcissistic abuse is coming to terms with a paradox that breaks the human heart: mourning the loss of someone who never truly existed.

For a long time, I was paralyzed by grief. Not just any griefbbut the kind that leaves your soul gasping for air. I wasn’t just heartbroken over the end of a relationship. I was grieving the death of a person who only existed in my mind the version of my abuser that I fell in love with. The charming, kind, attentive partner who mirrored everything I ever wanted. But that person wasn’t real. He was a mask.

Behind that mask was someone entirely different. Someone capable of cruelty so calculated it nearly killed me. I lived in limbo torn between two versions of the same person: the man I thought I loved, and the abuser he truly was. That mental split is devastating. It’s disorienting. And for many, it becomes deadly.

To survive, I had to do something radical: I held a funeral in my mind for the version of him I loved. I let myself grieve like a widow, because that’s what I was. The person I believed in is gone. He never truly existed but my love for him did, and that grief is valid. It's real. And it's part of the healing.

I never got the closure I wanted. Most of us never do. But I got the closure I needed: the clarity to separate the fantasy from the threat. That clarity is what keeps me safe now. It helps me stay grounded in reality. It reminds me that love should never come wrapped in manipulation, betrayal, and psychological warfare.

This is what people don’t understand about narcissistic abuse: it’s not just emotional painbit’s psychological murder. So many survivors die by suicide because the grief is so complex, the gaslighting so complete, and the betrayal so deep that it leaves you questioning your own reality. It’s not a breakup. It’s a breakdown of your identity. It’s heartbreak so profound, many don’t survive it.

And that’s why we must talk about this. We must recognize narcissistic abuse for what it truly is a public health crisis. A silent epidemic. A form of invisible violence that steals lives in slow motion.

So today, on Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day, I invite you to join the conversation.

If you are a survivor, your grief is valid. Your confusion is valid. Your anger is valid. You are not crazy. You are not weak. You are a human being who was targeted, manipulated, and broken down. But you are not beyond repair. Your healing starts with truth.

Let’s talk about it. Let’s stop pretending this abuse isn’t real just because we can’t see the bruises.

Let’s call it what it is. Let’s demand change. Let’s demand justice.

That’s why I’m introducing the Voiceless Justice Act a groundbreaking piece of federal legislation that recognizes narcissistic abuse as a form of psychological homicide when it leads to suicide. It will create legal pathways for justice, establish a national registry for verified psychological abusers, and give a voice to the voiceless victims who died without ever being believed.

If you’ve ever felt invisible in your pain this is for you. If you’ve ever wondered whether anyone sees the devastation narcissistic abuse leaves behind this is for you. If you survived when you didn’t think you would you are the reason we fight.

Join me. Share your story. Sign the petition. Help pass the Voiceless Justice Act.

Let’s stop mourning in silence. Let’s Heal Loudly.

Because the silence is killing us.

And we can’t afford to lose another soul to a predator with a mask

Sign the petition at change.org voiceless justice act

Policy Brief: The FRANKIE InitiativeFederal Registry for Abusers of Narcissistic Knowledge, Identity, and Exploitation

 Policy Brief: The FRANKIE InitiativeFederal Registry for Abusers of Narcissistic Knowledge, Identity, and Exploitation

Www.change.org/VoicelessJusticeAct

Executive Summary:The FRANKIE Initiative is a legislative proposal that seeks to establish a federally maintained registry of individuals with substantiated histories of narcissistic abuse—particularly those who exhibit patterns of psychological manipulation, coercive control, and identity-based exploitation. This initiative provides a structural safeguard for survivors, supports law enforcement and the courts, and deters serial psychological abusers. It is a critical companion to the Voiceless Justice Act and reflects an urgent national need for transparency and accountability in cases of psychological abuse.

Problem Statement:Narcissistic abuse, though often invisible, leaves deep psychological scars and drives many survivors to mental health crises, homelessness, and suicide. Predators exploit society’s ignorance and a lack of systemic tracking, moving freely from one victim to another across jurisdictions. There is currently no federal mechanism to track or identify such repeat psychological offenders.

Solution: The FRANKIE Initiative

1. National Registry of Narcissistic Abusers

Maintained by a federal agency (e.g., DOJ or HHS) with restricted, tiered access.

Inclusion requires a combination of legal, medical, and testimonial verification (e.g., restraining orders, psychological evaluations, consistent survivor reports).

2. Due Process and Legal Protections

An independent review board evaluates submissions.

Appeals and removal processes are clearly defined.

Survivor identities are always protected.

3. Standardized Reporting Framework

Accessible portals for survivors, clinicians, and law enforcement.

Verification steps to eliminate false accusations while prioritizing survivor safety.

4. Law Enforcement and Judicial Integration

Required consultation of registry in cases of DV, stalking, coercive control.

Pattern recognition algorithms to support prosecution.

5. Survivor Access Tools

Confidential lookup service.

Connection to legal, psychological, and emergency services.

6. Public Education and Prevention

National campaigns to de-stigmatize psychological abuse.

Public-private partnerships to promote awareness and training.

Impact Goals:

Reduce repeat victimization through awareness and deterrence.

Support early intervention for survivors.

Equip law enforcement and legal actors with tools to address psychological abuse.

Safeguards:

Independent oversight committee

Federal privacy compliance (HIPAA, FERPA, etc.)

Legal liability protection for survivors and clinicians reporting in good faith

Call to Action:We urge lawmakers to support the FRANKIE Initiative as part of a comprehensive policy package with the Voiceless Justice Act. Together, these proposals will create historic protections for survivors of psychological abuse and close a gaping hole in our national abuse prevention systems.

Public Explainer: What is the FRANKIE Initiative?

Have you ever met someone who seems charming at first, but leaves behind emotional devastation, confusion, and trauma? That’s often the hallmark of a narcissistic abuser and right now, there’s no national system to stop them from hurting more people.

The FRANKIE Initiative is here to change that.

What is it?A national registry that tracks verified narcissistic abusers those with patterns of coercive control, gaslighting, and identity manipulation.

Why is it needed?Narcissistic abuse doesn’t always leave bruises, but it leaves lasting damage. These predators thrive on silence. The FRANKIE Initiative helps survivors speak up, find justice, and stay safe.

How does it work?

Verified cases from courts, therapists, and survivor reports go into a secure national database.

Law enforcement and courts can use the database to spot patterns.

Survivors can confidentially check the registry.

What about false accusations?There’s a full review process, strict requirements for inclusion, and an appeals process for fairness.

How does it help me?

Protects you from repeat offenders.

Gives you access to support.

Raises national awareness so fewer people suffer in silence.

The FRANKIE Initiative honors the voices of those who’ve been silenced and builds a future where no survivor is left unprotected.

Heal Loudly. Fight Back. Demand Accountability.

A warning to those who try and harm

I love with my whole heart openly, honestly, and without holding back. When I care about someone, I give them the best of me: loyalty, compassion, patience, and understanding. I forgive easily, not because I’m weak, but because I know that people make mistakes. I’ve made them too. I believe in growth. I believe in second chances.

Www.change.org/VoicelessJusticeAct

If you hurt me and you own it if you come to me with truth in your voice and a genuine apology in your heart I can move forward. I can still call you a friend. I don’t hold grudges when someone shows real accountability. That’s just who I am.

But there’s a boundary I do not bend on.

If I ever find out that you were scheming watching me, studying me, learning what makes me vulnerable just to strike when I’m weakest then you’ve made a different kind of choice. You’ve crossed into something calculated, something cold. That’s not a mistake. That’s betrayal.

And I don’t let that slide.

Because I’m not naive. I’m a dark empath. I feel deeply, but I also see clearly. I pick up on patterns, energy, motives. I notice what’s said and what’s not. And once I’ve connected the dots, I don’t confront with chaos. I strike with calculated precision.

By the time you realize I know, it will already be too late.

I don’t want war. I don’t enjoy conflict. But if you try to dismantle me from the inside, understand that I will defend myself and I will do it without hesitation.

So don’t mistake my kindness for blindness.

Don’t confuse my love with weakness.

Because I will give you every chance to be real with me…

But I will not give you the chance to destroy me.

Www.change.org/VoicelessJusticeAct

The most foolish thing a narcissist can ever do…

The most foolish thing a narcissist can ever do…

Www.change.org/VoicelessJusticeAct

is mistake an empath’s silence for weakness.

They think our gentleness is naivety.

They think our forgiveness is permission.

They think our love is a flaw they can exploit

again, and again, and again.

But here’s the fatal miscalculation:

Empaths aren’t weak.

We are forged from pain.

We carry the weight of the world in our hearts

and still find room to carry others.

Yes, we bend.

Yes, we bleed.

Yes, we break.

But when we break… we don’t just shatter 

we awaken.

And in that awakening, something shifts.

The soft becomes steel.

The heart that once only healed

now holds a sword.

We become something else.

Something they never saw coming.

A reckoning with a pulse.

A storm with a spine.

The empath evolved.

And I was that empath.

Until Frankie Zerella pushed me too far.

My narcissist didn’t just break my heart he tried to break my will to live.

Nine suicide attempts.

All of my possessions stolen.

False charges filed to destroy my name.

Left homeless, humiliated, and gasping for reasons to keep breathing.

But the moment I truly snapped wasn’t any of that.

It was when he threw away my dog’s ashes.

The last piece of unconditional love I had left in this world.

That’s when the fire inside me ignited.

That’s when the dark empath was born.

Not evil.

Evolved.

No longer the quiet survivor, but a storm with purpose.

I stopped weeping and started warning.

I stopped begging and started building.

I stood up from the ashes of my old life with a message:

You pushed the wrong empath.

And now, I fight for every soul who still whispers instead of roars.

For every person being broken by someone who wears a mask.

For the survivors silenced by shame, threats, or a system that refuses to see psychological abuse as a crime.

I found my voice in the fire.

And now I use it to launch something bigger than myself.

The Voiceless Justice Act.

A movement.

A mission.

A message to every abuser who thinks they’ve won:

You didn’t.

The empath you tried to bury is now the voice of millions.

And we will not heal quietly.

We will Heal Loudly.

We will expose the crimes behind closed doors.

And we will rise not just for ourselves but for every soul too broken to stand just yet.

This isn’t revenge.

This is revolution.

And it has a name.

The Voiceless Justice Act.

We’re coming.

And we’re not backing down.

Pass the Voiceless Justice Act & the FRANKIE Initiative. Narcissistic abuse ends lives we demand justice. Sign here: www.change.org/VoicelessJusticeAct #VoicelessJusticeAct #FRANKIEInitiative #NarcissisticAbuse

 "Every day, survivors of narcissistic abuse are buried alive in silence erased by gaslighting, blamed for their own trauma, and driven to the edge by invisible violence. The Voiceless Justice Act is our scream into the void, demanding to be heard. It says: we matter. Our pain is real. And our abusers will no longer hide behind charm and loopholes. Stand with us. Sign. Share. Be the voice for someone who doesn’t have one anymore."

#VoicelessJusticeAct #HealLoudly #JusticeForSurvivors

Www.change.org/VoicelessJusticeAct

Www.change.org/VoicelessJusticeAct 

The Ultimate Guide to Red Flags in the Love Bombing Phase

 The Ultimate Guide to Red Flags in the Love Bombing Phase

Www.change.org/VoicelessJusticeAct

By Daniel Ryan Cotler

When survivors look back on the beginning, they often ask themselves the same haunting question: "How did I not see it?" The truth is, narcissistic abusers don’t arrive with fangs bared. They arrive with flowers, flattery, and fabricated forever-after promises. They arrive like a dream but they are the prelude to a nightmare.

This is not love. This is psychological warfare in a tuxedo, in a fairy tale, in your favorite song on repeat until you’re numb. These are brainwashing techniques disguised as intimacy. This is love bombing.

Below is your field guide, your armor, your mirror. These are the 35 Red Flags to watch for during the love bombing phase. Not all will appear at once, but even a handful should raise concern. Because real love doesn’t rush you into dependence. Real love doesn’t hijack your identity. And real love doesn’t burn out your soul just to make you stay.

The 35 Red Flags of Love Bombing

1. Excessive Flattery & Idealization

You’re not just loved; you’re worshipped. This is not admiration it's elevation before the inevitable devaluation.

2. Rapid Fire Intimacy

"I’ve never felt this way before" after two dates? That’s not a connection that’s coercion masquerading as kismet.

3. Mirroring

They copy your dreams, your fears, your playlist. It feels like magic, but it's mimicry used to disarm and win trust.

4. Future Faking

Grand plans about marriage, kids, or empires within days. These promises are bait to build emotional dependency.

5. Grooming Through Gifts & Gestures

Lavish gifts aren't love they're down payments on future control.

6. Constant Communication

The texting never stops. You're being "swept off your feet" and simultaneously surveilled.

7. Emotional Dependency Creation

They make themselves your only source of comfort, excitement, and validation.

8. Over-Validation of Trauma

They "get you" so perfectly it hurts. That pain will later be their playbook.

9. Feigning Vulnerability

Their sob stories reel you in but they're rehearsed. You're falling for a script.

10. Love as Currency

Affection now comes with invisible strings. You will soon be expected to repay.

11. Triangulation

Exes or admirers are mentioned to trigger jealousy and make you compete.

12. Hero Complex

They claim to have "saved" you or that you’ve saved them. Either way, you’re trapped in a debt of gratitude.

13. Time Monopolization

Your schedule disappears. So do your friends. You’re flattered until you realize you’re isolated.

14. Gaslighting Through Idealization

They dismiss your concerns with, "You're just scared because you’ve never felt real love before."

15. Intermittent Reinforcement

Even during love bombing, they withdraw just enough to make you chase the high again.

16. Destiny Narratives

"We were meant to be." It feels cosmic, but it’s actually calculated.

17. Controlled Vulnerability Extraction

They ask deep questions, not to connect, but to weaponize your answers later.

18. Emotional Surveillance

They're not just listening; they're studying you.

19. Social Proof Manipulation

They flaunt popularity or reputation to make you feel lucky and silent.

20. False Safety Signals

They insist you're safe with them, even as they quietly erode your agency.

21. Selective Listening

They latch onto what benefits them and ignore the rest.

22. Overidentification With You

"We’re the same person!" No. That’s identity theft in emotional form.

23. Overwhelming Intensity

Love that burns this hot this fast is usually about to scorch your sanity.

24. Conditional Empathy

Their empathy only exists as long as you serve their narrative.

25. Information Harvesting

They probe your past for later use not understanding.

26. Crisis Creation

Sudden tragedies emerge to bond you deeper or distract from red flags.

27. Hyper-Sexualization

Intense physicality early on creates chemical bonds your brain mistakes for intimacy.

28. Covert Contracts

"I did this for you, now you owe me." These contracts are never stated only enforced.

29. Overexposure to Their Life

Trauma dumping to make you feel responsible for their healing.

30. False Ultimatums

"I turned down others for you" is a warning, not a compliment.

31. Love Bomb by Proxy

Their friends/family adore you too quickly. You're being sold the dream in bulk.

32. Dissolving Self-Reliance

"You don’t need anyone else." It's not devotion it's dependence.

33. Weaponizing Shared Dreams

They attach themselves to your goals then use those goals as chains.

34. Boundary Shaming

"Why would you want to slow down when everything feels so right?" Because you get to set the pace.

35. False Altruism

They play the martyr so you'll play the savior. It’s not love it's manipulation cloaked in virtue.

What Love Bombing Is Doing to Your Brain

Love bombing doesn’t just trick your heart it hijacks your brain chemistry.

In the early stages, your brain is flooded with feel-good chemicals: dopamine (reward), oxytocin (bonding), and serotonin (stability). You become chemically addicted to the abuser literally high on hope. It’s intoxicating. It’s euphoric. And it’s engineered.

Abusers know how to trigger these neurochemical spikes by flooding you with affection, validation, and attention then strategically withdrawing it. This cycle mirrors the exact reward-punishment conditioning used in cults and prisoner interrogation. Your brain begins to associate pain with attachment.

This sets the perfect foundation for the trauma bond a biochemical leash that ties you to your abuser, even after they hurt you. The more unpredictable the love becomes, the more desperate your brain gets to recapture the original high. You chase crumbs of kindness like a gambler chasing a jackpot, even as your self-worth erodes.

And here's the most sinister part: the longer you're exposed to this neurological rollercoaster, the harder it is to leave. Your logical mind may know something’s wrong, but your addicted brain will defend the abuser.

This is why education, exposure, and early intervention are everything. Because when we understand the science behind love bombing, we stop calling it romance and start calling it what it really is:

Manipulation. Brainwashing. Psychological warfare.

Love Bombing Is Brainwashing: Why This Matters Now More Than Ever

What you're reading isn't just about red flags. It's a classified guide to the enemy's playbook. These tactics are used by narcissistic abusers to erase your autonomy, reprogram your boundaries, and condition your loyalty. This is psychological warfare. These are weaponized behaviors that destroy lives.

And this is exactly why the Voiceless Justice Act and the FRANKIE Initiative exist.

We’ve won the first battle: getting our petition recognized and gaining national momentum. But we are not finished.

Our mission is to create a federal registry for verified psychological abusers just like sex offender registries so survivors can be warned, courts can be educated, and repeat offenders can be tracked.

The FRANKIE Initiative (Federal Registry for Abusers of Narcissistic Knowledge, Identity, and Exploitation) is named after one of the worst examples of this insidious behavior my abuser, who waged this psychological war against me with deadly precision. This is about accountability. Prevention. And justice.

The tactics listed here are not romantic. They are not harmless. They are tools of destruction used by abusers who leave emotional bodies behind.

Final Word: Love Shouldn't Leave You Dizzy

If you're reading this and nodding through tears, know this: it wasn't your fault. These tactics are designed to feel like magic. But real love doesn't confuse you. It doesn't rush, push, or demand. It grows.

Use this guide. Share it. Print it out. Tattoo it on your memory if you must. Because the next time someone tries to love bomb you into submission, you'll recognize the signs, name the game, and choose yourself.

And if you believe survivors deserve protection, justice, and recognition of the psychological crimes committed against them join us.

Support the Voiceless Justice Act. Back the FRANKIE Initiative. Demand that the system treat narcissistic abuse as the deadly, insidious epidemic it is.

SIGN THE PETITION. SHARE IT. BE THE VOICE FOR THE VOICELESS.

Www.change.org/VoicelessJusticeAct 

Stay loud. Stay aware. Stay free.

Daniel Ryan Cotler

Survivor. Educator. Advocate. Voice for the Voiceless.

#HealLoudly