Understanding the Narcissist’s Smear Campaign: Why They Do It & How They Weaponize Your Reactions 🚨

 🔍

A smear campaign isn’t random it’s a calculated tactic used by narcissists to maintain control, protect their image, and destroy your credibility before you can tell your side of the story. But why do they do this, and how do they manipulate your reactions to strengthen their narrative?

Why Narcissists Start a Smear Campaign

1️⃣ Damage Control: Narcissists fear exposure. If they sense you might reveal their abuse or lies, they’ll strike first to discredit you.

2️⃣ Maintaining Control: By isolating you from friends, family, or your support system, they ensure you have fewer people to validate your experiences.

3️⃣ Protecting Their Image: Narcissists thrive on admiration. If their carefully curated persona is at risk, they’ll destroy anyone who threatens it.

4️⃣ Avoiding Accountability: The smear campaign shifts focus away from their actions and onto your supposed flaws, mistakes, or reactions.

The Role of Reactive Abuse 🎭

Reactive abuse happens when a victim finally reacts to constant manipulation, gaslighting, or cruelty often by yelling, crying, or confronting the narcissist in a moment of frustration. Narcissists love this because they can now point to your emotional reaction and say:

“See how unstable they are?”

“I told you they were the problem.”

This single moment, taken out of context, becomes “proof” of their victim narrative.

Recording & Collecting ‘Evidence’ 🎥📝

Narcissists may secretly record conversations, save text messages, or screenshot emotional outbursts, intentionally provoking you until you react. They’ll then twist these recordings and messages, removing all context, to make you look irrational, aggressive, or unhinged.

These recordings are shared with others friends, family, even authorities to strengthen their smear campaign. It’s a dangerous manipulation tactic because it feels “factual” when, in reality, it’s a curated and weaponized snapshot of your lowest moments.

The Smear Campaign Blueprint 🧠

1️⃣ Provoke you until you react.

2️⃣ Record, screenshot, or collect your reaction as “evidence.”

3️⃣ Share their twisted version with others.

4️⃣ Play the victim while you’re left trying to defend yourself.

✨ Knowledge is Power: Understanding these tactics doesn’t make the pain disappear, but it helps you see through the manipulation. If you notice these patterns, stay calm, document everything, and avoid engaging in emotional arguments they’re setting the stage for your reaction to become their next weapon.

👉 Have you experienced reactive abuse being used against you? Or caught someone secretly recording you to twist the narrative? Share your experience in the comments below your story matters. 💬

If this resonated with you, like, share, and follow for more insights. You’re not alonelet’s #HealLoudly and expose the truth together. 💜

#EarlyWarningSigns #SmearCampaign #SurvivingFrankieZerella #HealLoudly #ReactiveAbuse #NarcissisticAbuseAwareness

Early Warning Signs of a Narcissist’s Smear Campaign

 

1. Subtle Negative Comments About You: They drop small, critical remarks about you to others, often disguised as jokes or casual observations.

2. Feigning Concern: They express “worry” about your mental health, behavior, or choices to others, subtly planting seeds of doubt.

3. Playing the Victim: They tell exaggerated or false stories where they are the victim, and you are portrayed as unstable or abusive.

4. Increased Gossip: You notice mutual friends or acquaintances acting differently, avoiding you, or distancing themselves without explanation.

5. Preemptive Defense: They start defending themselves against things you haven’t accused them of, preparing their side of the story before you’ve spoken up.

6. Triangulation: They involve a third party (a friend, family member, or coworker) to create tension, jealousy, or rivalry.

7. Social Media Posts: They post vague or passive-aggressive messages aimed at you, or portray themselves as kind and compassionate heroes.

8. Twisting Past Events: They reinterpret shared experiences to make themselves look innocent and you look guilty.

9. Private Conversations Become Public: They reveal things you told them in confidence, twisting your words to damage your credibility.

10. Recruiting Flying Monkeys: They enlist others to spread their narrative, confront you, or report back to them about you.

11. Loaded Questions: They ask others leading or suggestive questions about your behavior, steering conversations toward their narrative.

12. Isolation Tactics: They subtly encourage others to pull away from you, often by hinting you’re “toxic” or “unstable.”

13. False Altruism: They portray themselves as someone who’s “trying to help you” while simultaneously damaging your reputation.

14. Sudden Charm Offensive: They become unusually charming and likable around mutual contacts to ensure people believe their version of events.

15. Exaggerated Stories: They blow minor disagreements or misunderstandings out of proportion to make you seem unreasonable or abusive.

16. Questioning Your Character: They make offhand comments about your trustworthiness, mental health, or decision-making skills.

17. Gaslighting Third Parties: They manipulate mutual contacts into doubting your side of the story by subtly altering facts.

18. Inconsistent Behavior: They act overly friendly to your face but critical or dismissive behind your back.

19. Claiming They’re “Afraid” of You: They may suggest to others that they fear your reactions, framing you as aggressive or dangerous.

20. Framing You as Overly Emotional: They portray you as overly reactive or irrational, dismissing any attempt you make to defend yourself.

Recognizing these signs early can help you take steps to protect your reputation and mental health. Keep documentation, avoid reacting emotionally in public, and surround yourself with people who know and trust your character.

To my beautiful community,

 To my beautiful community,

As the possibility of a TikTok ban looms, I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for everything we've built together. I want to take a moment to thank each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart for the unwavering love, support, and belief you’ve shown me. You have been my light in the darkest times, and without you, I truly don’t know if I’d still be standing.

Together, we’ve done things I never thought possible. We gave a voice to the voiceless, and in doing so, we made an impact that has reached far beyond what I ever imagined. Through your support, I’ve been able to share my story of surviving narcissistic abuse, and in turn, help thousands of others reclaim their power. Through the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Community blog, we’ve touched millions of lives, bringing people together and helping them heal.

We’ve turned my pain into something bigger than any one person Heal Loudly became a movement that reached over 100 million people, a rallying cry to encourage others to step out of the shadows and find their voice.

Together, we’ve achieved incredible things. My books, My Heartbreak Diary: My Journey Healing from Narcissistic Abuse and Voiceless: The Silent Epidemic of Suicide Due to Narcissistic Abuse, became bestsellers, touching lives in ways I couldn’t have imagined. Through those pages, we were able to share our stories, our struggles, and our victories. Each success has been a testament to the strength of this community because of you, we’ve reached people who were suffering in silence, giving them the courage to speak out and heal.

You stood by me when I faced the toughest battles, including my criminal trial. When it felt like the world was against me, you were the ones who reminded me I wasn’t alone. You helped me fight back, expose my abuser, and reclaim my life.

But this isn’t just about me. This is about all of us. Together, we’ve created a community where no one has to suffer in silence. A community where survivors find strength in each other, where healing is loud, and where we grow stronger with every step we take.

I don’t know what the future holds with the looming TikTok ban, but one thing is certain: we’re not going anywhere. I’ll continue my work on other platforms, and I will continue to fight for a world where narcissistic abuse is not just understood but illegal. A world where survivors are supported, where first responders are trained to recognize the signs, and where no one ever feels like they have to end their life because of the darkness of narcissistic abuse.

Thank you. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for being part of something truly powerful. The movement we’ve built together has already changed livesand this is just the beginning.

I’ll see you all on the other side, wherever our journey leads us.

With all my heart,

Daniel Ryan Cotler

One of the most foolish things a narcissist can do is underestimate their victims and overplay their cards.

 One of the most foolish things a narcissist can do is underestimate their victims and overplay their cards. In their arrogance, they believe they can manipulate, gaslight, and control indefinitely without consequence. But there’s a breaking point a moment where the victim, pushed to the edge, transforms.

This transformation is not just survival; it’s a rebirth. From the ashes of their suffering rises the educated empath, sometimes even the dark empath. These individuals have been to the depths of emotional warfare, studied the tactics used against them, and emerged not just healed, but empowered. The empath who once gave endless chances, who once sacrificed their own well-being to keep the peace, is gone. In their place stands someone who understands their own power someone who no longer mistakes compassion for weakness.

The reborn empath knows when to offer empathy and when to withhold it. They know how to recognize manipulation before it takes root and, more importantly, they know how to expose it. This isn’t about revenge it’s about truth. It’s about shining a light on the shadows where narcissists thrive.

For the narcissist, this becomes their reckoning. They aren’t prepared for an opponent who knows their every tactic, every trap, every carefully crafted lie. The educated empath doesn’t play the narcissist’s game they dismantle it entirely. They use their deep understanding of human emotion not to enable the narcissist, but to protect themselves and others.

The narcissist’s greatest mistake wasn’t their lies, their smear campaigns, or their gaslighting it was underestimating the strength and resilience of someone who loved deeply and was betrayed completely.

Because now, the empath doesn’t just survive they thrive. And they do so without mercy for the lies that once held them captive. They’ve taken back their power, their voice, and their freedom. And once that happens, there’s no going back.

Healing Loudly: A Reckoning for Narcissistic Abuse Survivors

 Healing Loudly: A Reckoning for Narcissistic Abuse Survivors

The era of silent suffering is over. Victims of narcissistic abuse are no longer retreating into corners, nursing their wounds in isolation, and burying their stories deep within. Those days of quiet, invisible healing have passed. We are healing loudly speaking names, exposing truths, and holding abusers accountable not just for the harm they caused us, but for the trail of shattered lives they’ve left behind.

Suicide due to narcissistic abuse is a crisis that can no longer be dismissed or minimized. The psychological warfare inflicted by narcissists pushes victims to the brink, creating a devastating cycle of despair and silence. But we refuse to sit back and watch any more lives be stolen by those who thrive on control, deceit, and destruction.

A reckoning is here. Survivors are awakening, shedding ignorance, and stepping into their power. We’re becoming educated about the tactics used against us, and for some, we’re embracing our darker sidesnot for revenge, but for protection, for truth, and for justice.

Healing loudly isn’t just about personal recovery; it’s about breaking cycles, ending silence, and preventing others from falling into the same traps. The days of narcissists escaping accountability are over. Their shadows can no longer hide them from the light of truth.

We are here. We are loud. And we aren’t going anywhere.

Healing Loudly: A Call to Action for Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse

 Healing Loudly: A Call to Action for Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse

The silence ends here. We are calling on every survivor of narcissistic abuse to step forward, to share their stories, and to heal loudly. Every story told is another crack in the armor of the abuser, another warning sign for the next potential victim. When we speak out, we leave a trail of evidence a map for others to follow so they can see the patterns, recognize the red flags, and escape before the damage becomes irreparable.

One day, narcissists will think twice before preying on empaths. They will hesitate before trying to snuff out the light they cannot understand and will never possess. They will know that their manipulations, their lies, and their calculated cruelty will no longer remain hidden in the shadows.

Healing loudly isn’t just recovery it’s rebellion. It’s defiance against every lie they told us, every time they made us question our reality, every moment they tried to diminish our worth. Narcissistic abuse thrives in silence, in shame, and in isolation. But we refuse to give them that power anymore.

We will heal by any means necessary. We will write, we will speak, we will share our pain and our triumphs until the noise of our collective voices drowns out the gaslighting, the manipulation, and the smear campaigns.

This isn’t just personal it’s a movement. A movement of survivors, of empaths, of warriors who refuse to let their stories die in the dark.

We will not be quiet. We will not be silent. And we will not go away. The light they tried so desperately to extinguish now burns brighter than ever.

Healing Loudly: Honoring the Voiceless and the Lives Lost to Narcissistic Abuse

 Healing Loudly: Honoring the Voiceless and the Lives Lost to Narcissistic Abuse

We heal loudly not just for ourselves, but for those who can no longer speak. For every brother, sister, mother, father, friend, aunt, and uncle whose life was stolen by the crushing weight of narcissistic abuse. This silent epidemic of suicide has claimed too many souls, leaving behind unanswered questions, shattered families, and a deafening silence where their voices once lived.

But we refuse to let them fade into the shadows. We carry their stories in our hearts, and we speak their names as we rise from the ashes of our own battles. Every time we tell our truth, every time we expose an abuser, every time we share our pain and our healing, we do it for them.

Narcissistic abuse isolates, manipulates, and breaks down its victims until they see no way out. But we are here to shatter that illusion. We are here to remind the world that their lives mattered, their suffering was real, and their stories deserve to be told.

Healing loudly is our promise to them a promise that their voices will not be silenced, their struggles will not be dismissed, and their lives will not be forgotten. We will hold abusers accountable. We will speak loudly so others may hear us, so others may recognize the signs, and so others may find hope where they once saw only darkness.

This fight is not just for us it’s for the millions who didn’t make it out. It’s for those who were pushed to the edge and couldn’t hold on any longer. Their light still shines in us, and we will carry it forward with every word we speak, every story we tell, and every truth we unveil.

We heal loudly. We honor the voiceless. And we will never stop.

As 2024 comes to a close, I can say with pride that this was the year I stopped living for everyone else.

 As 2024 comes to a close, I can say with pride that this was the year I stopped living for everyone else.

I stopped going above and beyond for people who wouldn’t do the same for me.

I stopped being the bigger person when it meant swallowing my pain to make others feel better.

I stopped fixing what I didn’t break and carrying the weight of problems that were never mine to solve.

I stopped showing up for people who consistently failed to show up for me.

And I stopped sacrificing my happiness, peace, and joy just to keep the peace.

This year, I matched energy.

When people brought respect, I gave it back. When they brought disrespect, I set them straight.

I refused to stay silent to "keep the peace" while others crossed my boundaries.

I started calling people out on their behavior the moment it happened, no longer letting it slide.

I stopped letting fake apologies and empty promises keep me trapped in toxic cycles.

2024 was the year I finally protected my energy.

I walked away from one-sided relationships and left behind people who drained me.

I stood firm in my boundaries, even when others didn’t like them.

I stopped explaining myself to people who were never going to understand my worth.

I prioritized my happiness, pouring into myself first without guilt or apology.

This was the year I stopped shrinking myself to fit into spaces where I was never meant to be.

I stopped dimming my light for people who couldn’t handle its brightness.

I said “no” more than ever before, and I meant it every time.

As 2024 ends, I look back and see the version of myself I always wanted to become:

A version that chooses self-respect, peace, and joy unapologetically.

A version that no longer bends over backward to please others at the expense of my own soul.

This was the year I chose me and I’m never going back.

A message to surviviors of narcisaistic abuse

 I understand what you're going through in the aftermath of narcissistic abuse. The pain is overwhelming, and the betrayal cuts deeper than you thought possible. The person you loved the one you gave your trust, energy, and heart to was never real. The weight of that realization is crushing because you could never imagine doing to someone else what was done to you.

And then there’s the isolation. Friends and family don't get it. They tell you to “move on,” to “get over it,” completely unaware of the trauma bond that holds you in place, the psychological warfare you endured, and the scars that aren’t visible.

I know how some days feel impossible. The heaviness of it all, the hopelessness, the feeling that you might not survive another moment like this. But I want to tell you something: every time you’ve faced moments like this losing a job, grieving a loved one, enduring heartbreak, or even being left with nothing you’ve made it through. Your survival rate for life’s worst days is 100%.

And you’re going to make it through this too. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but on the other side of this pain is something beautiful. There’s a lesson waiting for you, one that will bring growth and self-discovery. What happened to you wasn’t your fault. You didn’t deserve it. You are enough, and you are worthy.

The narcissist chose you because of your beauty your empathy, kindness, and generosity but also because of wounds you may not have known you carried. Empathy, for all its goodness, can sometimes be a trauma response. Many empaths are people pleasers, prioritizing others to avoid rejection or abandonment, forgiving too easily, and believing in the good in people even when it costs them. Narcissists thrive on this dynamic, taking everything you offer while giving nothing in return.

But here’s the truth: what they took from you, you can rebuild. And what’s coming next is a version of yourself you’ve never known a self that loves deeply, starting with you. A self that enforces boundaries, recognizes red flags, and demands actions that match words.

So whatever today looks like, take one small step forward. Even if it’s just breathing, eating, or getting out of bed every small win is a step toward reclaiming your life. And when you rise, let your healing be your revenge. The one thing narcissists can’t stand is seeing you thrive, seeing you rebuild what they tried to destroy, and watching you reclaim your joy.

You are stronger than you know. You’ve got this. Keep going.

Narcissists dont care about the truth.

 Narcissists don’t care about the truth. They will conjure up the most absurd lies, spinning tales that make no sense in the real world. My narcissist, for instance, went so far as to pull stock images of bloody knives from Google, claiming I stabbed him. Their delusions can lead them to make wild accusations and fabrications that defy logic, all in an attempt to manipulate the narrative to their advantage.

In their minds, it’s not about being rational or credible; it’s about getting what they want in that moment, regardless of how far-fetched their claims may be. Even if it looks like they’re grasping at straws, they won’t hesitate to throw out whatever comes to mind. They thrive on chaos and confusion, knowing that the more outrageous the story, the more it can shock and sway others.

They’re often aware that their lies don’t hold up under scrutiny, but that doesn’t matter to them. Their goal is to distort reality enough to maintain control and position themselves as the victim. For them, the ends justify the means. They’ll weave a narrative that paints you as the villain, even if their fabrications like claiming you wielded bloody knives are laughable or impossible.

It’s a tactic rooted in their need for power and dominance, and they’ll do it without a second thought. The truth is irrelevant; what matters is how effectively they can manipulate those around them to believe their twisted version of reality.

Narcissists behavior is premeditated and intentional

People often don’t realize just how premeditated and calculating narcissists and sociopaths can be. These aren’t just impulsive acts; they’re meticulously planned to provoke you into reactions that fit their smear campaign. They'll push every button, baiting you into an angry response to reinforce the lies they’re spreading about you.

But it goes even further. Narcissists will stage scenes at home while you’re away, creating false evidence of chaos or even violence. Some will mess up the house to make it look like a fight happened, only to later photograph the scene as “proof” of their claims. In severe cases, they may go so far as to stage something as twisted as a fake murder-suicide scene. They’ll set up shrines, tamper with belongings, or mix drugs to make it look like you were planning something dangerous all to frame you as mentally unstable or even violent.

The craziest part? When you return, everything will be perfectly clean and back in order, as if nothing happened. They’ve documented the scene, taken photos, maybe even videos, to use as ammunition in their smear campaign, and then erased every trace before you come home. It’s as if they’re rehearsing for a twisted movie scene, premeditating every detail.

For a narcissist, this is all about controlling the narrative, crafting a false image where they’re the innocent victim, and you’re the dangerous one. They’ll go to any length to make this deception believable, replacing the truth with their version of events in order to destroy your reputation and manipulate those around you.

Surviving narcissistic abuse is painful

 Many people look at survivors and think we wear survival like a badge of honor, a symbol of strength or resilience. They assume we’ve "overcome" the abuse and are now somehow better for it. But the truth is, surviving narcissistic abuse is anything but glamorous. It’s not a victory lap. It’s not an empowering slogan. Surviving is painful. It's messy, relentless, and exhausting. It's an ongoing battle with no end in sight, and each day feels like you're just barely making it through to the next.

Surviving means waking up every day to a fight that no one else can see. It means battling through the fog of depression, the weight of hopelessness, and the unshakable feeling of worthlessness. Each morning, we wake up and hope it’ll get better, only to find ourselves still knee-deep in the pain. There’s no "getting over it" when you’re trying to survive. There’s only getting through it, one agonizing day at a time.

Surviving isn’t a one-time thing. It’s not something you do once and then you’re done. It’s something you have to do over and over again. Every single day. There are no breaks, no timeouts, no pauses. You wake up to the same haunting thoughts, the same crushing emotions. The sadness, the fear, the anger they don’t just go away because you’ve left the abuser. In fact, the real fight begins after the abuse ends. That’s when the weight of everything you’ve been through crashes down on you.

People say, "At least you survived." But they don’t understand that surviving feels like an endless cycle of suffering. It’s a constant push to keep going when all you want is to let go. You endure the pain because you have to, because you know giving up isn’t an option. But that doesn’t make it any less excruciating.

There’s nothing glamorous about survival. It’s not a badge of honor; it’s a wound that never fully heals. Surviving means carrying the scars of the abuse with you wherever you go. It means fighting through the darkness when your mind tells you there’s no point, that you’re worthless, that you should just give up. It means resisting the urge to fall into despair, to give in to the suicidal thoughts that creep in when the pain feels too heavy to bear.

The world doesn’t see the endless mental battles, the countless times you’ve felt like you’re drowning in your own mind. They don’t see how you have to force yourself out of bed when your body feels like lead, how you have to fake a smile when all you want to do is scream. They think surviving is an achievement, but surviving feels like walking through fire every day, with no promise of ever being able to put it out.

Surviving narcissistic abuse means living in the aftermath of a war that has no end. It means enduring flashbacks that drag you back into the moments of abuse, reliving the manipulation, the gaslighting, the lies. It means constantly questioning yourself, doubting your worth, and wondering if you’ll ever feel whole again. It means carrying the weight of shame and guilt that doesn’t belong to you, but was placed on you by the narcissist.

You try to rebuild, but everything feels fragile. Your sense of self, your confidence, your relationships they’re all pieces of you that were shattered by the abuse, and now you’re left trying to piece them back together. But surviving doesn’t come with a manual. There’s no easy path, no shortcuts. It’s just pain, day in and day out, hoping that eventually, it will ease.

Surviving Isn’t Strength It’s Endurance. People often equate survival with strength, but surviving isn’t always about being strong. Sometimes, surviving is just about not giving in. It’s about enduring the pain, not because you feel strong, but because you have no other choice. You get through the day because there’s no alternative, because even though everything hurts, you refuse to let the abuse be the end of your story.

But that doesn’t make it easy. Surviving is lonely, isolating, and terrifying. There’s nothing noble about waking up every day in a fight for your own mind. There’s nothing empowering about feeling like you’re one step away from breaking, from losing yourself entirely to the pain. Surviving means doing whatever it takes to make it through the day, just to do it all over again tomorrow.

Surviving is painful. It’s not some grand, triumphant journey. It’s brutal, raw, and relentless. Each day is a test of endurance, and the pain doesn’t magically go away just because you’ve made it through another one. You’re constantly caught between the need to keep going and the overwhelming desire to just stop. But even in the midst of all that pain, you keep going. You keep surviving.

There’s no finish line to survival. There’s no moment where you suddenly "win" and all the pain disappears. It’s a continuous process of living through the hurt, carrying it with you, and finding ways to survive it. There’s nothing glamorous about it, but somehow, despite all the pain, you do it anyway.

Because surviving is painful but you’re still here. You’re still surviving. And that, in itself, means something, even if it doesn’t always feel like enough.

Copyright 2024 Daniel Ryan Cotler

Surviving the Holidays with Narcissistic Family Members and Friends

 Surviving the Holidays with Narcissistic Family Members and Friends

The holidays should be a time of joy and togetherness, but for those with narcissistic family members or friends, they often feel more like a battlefield. Narcissists thrive on drama and control, and nothing feeds their ego more than ruining special occasions. While many of us dream of completely avoiding them, the reality is that some people can’t. So, what can you do when you’re stuck in a room with someone who’s determined to push your buttons?

First, let’s clear something up: Family is family but that doesn’t mean you have to accept abuse or disrespect. Love can exist at a distance, with firm boundaries. You are allowed to protect your peace, even from those who share your bloodline or history. If you can keep toxic individuals out of your life altogether, that’s ideal. But if circumstances make that impossible during the holidays, here’s how you can keep your sanity intact.

The Gray Rock Technique is your best friend. This method involves making yourself as uninteresting as possible to the narcissist, denying them the emotional reaction they crave. Respond to their provocations with calm, neutral answers. Don’t engage in arguments or defend yourself this only feeds their need for attention and control. Remember, they want to get under your skin. Deny them that power.

If they push harder, take control of the situation by setting firm but polite boundaries. A simple, “I’m not comfortable discussing this,” or “Let’s focus on enjoying the holiday,” can shut down their attempts to derail the atmosphere. If they escalate, step away. You’re under no obligation to stay in a room where you feel disrespected.

Another key point: don’t let their behavior set the tone for your holiday. Narcissists are experts at creating chaos, but you don’t have to let their darkness overshadow your light. Engage with others, focus on positive interactions, and remind yourself that their actions are a reflection of them, not you.

Finally, prepare mentally. Know their tactics and rehearse how you’ll respond. Practice staying calm, even when they goad you. They thrive on reactions, so starving them of that attention is one of the best ways to disarm them.

When in doubt, use these 15 neutral responses to help you disarm and redirect them:

1. “I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”

2. “You know, I’ll have to think about it and get back to you on that.”

3. “I’m not comfortable talking about that right now.”

4. “Let’s focus on enjoying the holidays.”

5. “It’s funny you say that they always have such nice things to say about you.”

6. “You know, I’d rather not get involved in that.”

7. “I’ll be the judge of that, thanks.”

8. “That’s an interesting perspective, but let’s change the subject.”

9. “I hear you, but I don’t think that’s really my place to comment.”

10. “I’m not sure that’s fair I don’t know their side of the story.”

11. “That sounds personal I’d prefer to leave it between you two.”

12. “Let’s not get into that right now. How’s everything else going?”

13. “I don’t think this is the time or place for that conversation.”

14. “That’s your opinion, but I try to see the good in everyone.”

15. “I’d rather focus on positive things today.”

The holidays are meant to be a time of celebration and connection, not manipulation and abuse. Whether you’re able to love them from a distance or must face them head-on, remember this: You don’t have to sacrifice your peace for the sake of someone else’s drama. Choose you, and let them stew in their own emotional hunger.

A male narcissist's biggest supporter will always be his mother

 "Have you ever experienced a narcissist’s mother stepping in to defend them or attack you? How did it affect your journey toward healing?"

A male narcissist's biggest supporter will always be his mother. Not only does she stand by his side, but she often actively participates in the abuse and gaslighting of his victims. She knows full well the monster she helped create and she’ll do anything to protect the perfect image she’s built of her son and herself.

These mothers are not innocent bystanders. Women like Mary Ellen Johnson Denio mock and taunt the victims, deflect blame, and enable their son’s destructive behavior. They don’t just stand in the background; they actively post comments and messages, supporting their son’s false narrative as he plays the victim of the very abuse he inflicts. She reassures him how proud she is of his performance, while demonizing the victim at every turn.

Most mothers would never cross the line into such behavior, but mothers like Mary Ellen? They’re desperate, grasping at straws to make sure their version of the story sticks. They’re not content to simply support their son from the sidelines; they take their smear campaign directly to the victim’s pages, spouting insults, discrediting their story, and reinforcing the lies.

This behavior is about more than just loyalty it’s about preserving her son’s crumbling façade at all costs. By publicly attacking his victims, she tries to uphold the illusion of her son’s innocence while burying the truth of the harm he causes.

For the victims, this can feel like an overwhelming battle, fighting not just the narcissist but also the mother who actively works to protect him. Together, they create a system of abuse, manipulation, and gaslighting that traps victims in a seemingly endless cycle.

Understanding this dynamic is critical for survivors seeking to break free. The narcissist’s mother may appear as a loving supporter, but in truth, she’s often the architect of the chaos, ensuring the cycle of abuse continues unchecked.