Danie Ryan Cotler's Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Community Blog

 Narcissists weaponize communication as a tool of manipulation, control, and punishment. From the silent treatment to rapid-fire accusations, their tactics are deliberately designed to confuse, destabilize, and weaken their victims emotionally. The silent treatment is one of the most insidious methods narcissists use. By withdrawing all communication, affection, or acknowledgment, they punish their victims for perceived slights or attempts to hold them accountable. This withholding creates a painful void, leaving the victim desperate for resolution or reconciliation. The silence becomes a way to assert dominance, reminding the victim of their dependency on the narcissist for emotional validation. When narcissists do engage in communication, it is rarely to solve problems or take accountability. Instead, they deflect blame, shift topics, and lead their victims into exhausting, circular arguments. If a victim tries to address a narcissist's behavior, the conversation often spirals in...

 Narcissists find and attract new victims quickly because they’ve honed the ability to identify and exploit vulnerabilities. They are highly skilled at reading people, spotting those who may be empathetic, insecure, or craving validation. These traits make someone more likely to fall for the narcissist’s charm and manipulation. Their initial approach is often highly calculated. They use charisma, flattery, and attentiveness to create an intoxicating connection, often mirroring their target’s personality or interests. This creates the illusion of a perfect bond and disarms the potential victim. Narcissists are adept at love-bombing, showering the person with excessive attention, gifts, or affection to foster dependence. Social media, dating apps, and shared social circles also allow narcissists to cast a wide net, giving them quick access to potential targets. They often keep backup sources of supply individuals they’ve been grooming on the side or maintaining as "friends" so ...

 Triangulation is one of the most manipulative and destructive tactics narcissists use to maintain control over their victims and everyone in their orbit. It involves pitting people against one another to create confusion, mistrust, and isolation. This strategy serves a dual purpose: it keeps the narcissist in the center of all interactions while preventing others from uniting against them or exposing their behavior. Narcissists use triangulation to destabilize their victims and isolate them from potential support systems. They manufacture fake drama and conflicts, convincing their current partner that the narcissist’s family, friends, or even their own loved ones dislike or mistrust them. By creating this illusion, the narcissist ensures their victim feels unwelcome or unsafe reaching out for help, further deepening their dependency. In addition to isolating their partner, narcissists infiltrate their victims' social circles, subtly planting seeds of doubt and mistrust. They might...

As an empath, we love deeply and unconditionally, often at the expense of our own well-being. On my healing journey from narcissistic abuse, one of the most profound truths I uncovered was that my healing wasn’t just about my last relationship. It wasn’t just about my narcissistic ex. It was about all the relationships before him my friendships, my family, and most importantly, the relationship I had with myself. I didn’t understand, at the time, that I had been accepting love in forms it was never meant to be accepted. My narcissist said something chilling to me during one of his last phone calls. I was facing ten years in prison for a crime I didn’t commit, with him pressing false charges against me. Taunting me, he told me, “You’re exactly where you belong, and the way you love people is why you’re here.” As cruel as his words were, there was a kernel of truth in them perhaps one of the only truths he ever spoke. The way I loved people was wrong, not because love itself is wrong, bu...

 Narcissists Murder by Suicide: The Silent Epidemic Narcissists don’t just ruin lives they end them. Not with visible violence, but with relentless emotional and psychological abuse designed to break their victims from the inside out. This isn’t hyperbole; it’s reality. For countless victims, narcissistic abuse leads to one final, devastating outcome: death by suicide. And let’s be clear this is murder. I know because I lived it. I survived nine suicide attempts during a relationship with a narcissist. Every attempt was fueled by the calculated cruelty of someone who knew exactly how to destroy me, piece by piece. I’m lucky to be here today, but too many others don’t get the chance to tell their story. This isn’t accidental. Narcissists are deliberate. They isolate their victims, strip them of their support systems, and manipulate them into believing they’re worthless. They gaslight them until they can’t trust their own minds, creating a reality where death feels like the only esca...