We must change the way we talk about narcissistic abuse

The terminology that we use around narcissistic abuse once served its purpose. It helped give words to what we could not yet explain. But those same words have now become harmful. They pathologize the victim instead of placing blame where it belongs, on the perpetrator. Language is everything. The current vocabulary around narcissistic abuse is no longer sufficient to describe the reality of what is happening.

That is why I wrote Voiceless No More. There were no words to describe what I went through. It wasn’t abuse. It was psychological warfare. There was no “love bombing.” There was no “trauma bonding.” There was no “reactive abuse.” I wasn’t abusive. I wasn’t bonded. And it wasn’t love. It was psychological warfare.

Even terms like “co-parenting” are misleading. There is no co-parenting with a narcissist. There is only warfare. The same applies to words like “flying monkeys.” That phrase makes something deadly serious sound like a cartoon. Or “hoovering,” which is literally named after a vacuum. The words we are using are not serious enough. They were enough to open people’s eyes, but not enough to define the full truth.

Voiceless No More is unlike any other book on this subject. It is not a self-help guide. It is not a healing handbook. It is a war indictment. It gives validation and language to experiences that never had proper words. It doesn’t dance around the edges. It goes straight to the heart of what this is. To prosecute this kind of abuse, we must use the right terminology.

When you say “love bombing,” it sounds like a bad breakup or someone being too affectionate. When you say “trauma bonding,” it implies shared responsibility, as if you bonded through mutual pain. But that is not what happens in narcissistic psychological warfare. You become addicted before the trauma even begins, because fraud has been committed. It is constructive fraud of intimacy. That is what “love bombing” actually is.

“Reactive abuse” is not real abuse. It is coerced defensive aggression. You were provoked, manipulated, and pushed until you broke. Then that reaction was weaponized against you to smear your credibility, to make you look unstable or dangerous.

When we change the terminology, we remove the blame from the victim and place it back on the perpetrator. It also opens the door to prosecution. You cannot convict someone of “love bombing,” but you can convict them of constructive fraud of intimacy, because all five elements of fraud exist in these relationships.

When you say “trauma bonding,” it sounds like a personality conflict. But when you identify it correctly as neurological dependency caused by fraud you expose the pattern and its deliberate construction. This is what leads to neurological battery. The brain damage, the trauma responses, the PTSD, and the withdrawal symptoms people experience are not abstract. They are evidence of neurological battery someone deliberately destabilizing your nervous system.

That should be a crime. And when it leads to homelessness, institutionalization, or suicide, it is not an accident. It is psychological homicide. Your soul was murdered.

Voiceless No More: The Legal War on Narcissistic Abuse, now on Amazon.

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