The term "Co-Parenting with a Narcissist" is dangerous. It implies cooperation is possible, that two people can meet halfway, and that victims have the same power and agency as predators. That’s a lie. Survivors are repeatedly set up to fail when the legal system, therapists, and society use this language. It erases the reality of ongoing abuse, minimizes trauma, and forces victims into impossible compromises.
The truth is this: when a narcissist is involved, parenting is not cooperative it is survival. Victims are under constant threat of manipulation, legal terrorism, custody harassment, and psychological warfare. Calling it “co-parenting” hides the predator’s ongoing control and sets survivors up to take the blame for failures that are not theirs.
We need a new term. Parallel Parenting Under Threat. This phrase acknowledges that the narcissist is a persistent threat. It validates the survivor’s experience. It clarifies that the goal is not harmony but safety, boundaries, and protecting children from predatory behavior.
Language shapes reality. When we call it co-parenting, society expects compromise and cooperation. When we call it parallel parenting under threat, we set clear expectations: survival first, safety first, justice first. It is time to stop normalizing abuse and start naming it for what it is.
Copyright 2025 Daniel Ryan Cotler
Voiceless No More: The Legal War on Narcissistic Abuse, now on Amazon.
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