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The Woman Who Saved Me: Donielle Jolie Yanez and the Power of Healing Loudly

To Those Trapped in a Narcissistic Family You Are Not the Problem



If you grew up in a narcissistic family, I don’t have to explain what it feels like to be the scapegoat the one blamed for everything, the one who was never enough no matter how hard you tried. You know what it’s like to be gaslit by the people who were supposed to love you. To be told your feelings aren’t real, your pain is an overreaction, your truth is just “being dramatic.”

You’ve spent your whole life wondering what’s wrong with you. Why you never felt truly safe, why love always came with conditions, why every time you tried to stand up for yourself, you were met with rage, silent treatment, or guilt so heavy it crushed you back into submission.

But let me tell you something that took me far too long to learn: It was never you. It was always them.

A narcissistic family system is built on control. They need a scapegoat to blame so they never have to look in the mirror. They need an enabler to smooth things over and keep the peace. They need flying monkeys to do their dirty work. And they need you to believe that if you just tried harder, if you were just "better," maybe they would finally love you the way you deserve.

But they won’t. Because it was never about love. It was about power.

I know leaving your family, even emotionally, feels impossible. The guilt runs deep. They made sure of that. They trained you to believe that “family is everything,” that cutting them off would make you a terrible person. But ask yourself this: If they weren’t your family, would you allow anyone else to treat you this way?

You do not owe loyalty to people who hurt you. You do not owe respect to people who never respected you. You do not have to keep sacrificing yourself just to keep their broken system running. You deserve peace. You deserve love that doesn’t come with conditions. You deserve to be free.

You are not alone. And you are stronger than you know.

thank you

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