It’s not a coincidence that you and the narcissist ended up together.

You’re exactly what they’re missing in their life. They saw the qualities in you that they could never cultivate within themselves kindness, empathy, strength, the ability to truly love. You had something they knew they could never have, so they were drawn to you like a magnet.

Narcissists are often haunted by an inner void, a profound emptiness that comes from their inability to connect with others in any real way. Lacking self-awareness and a capacity for empathy, compassion, or true intimacy, they live in a state of perpetual dissatisfaction. These qualities they see in you strength, warmth, generosity aren’t just attractive; they’re hypnotic, almost like a solution to their emptiness. You become their obsession, not as an individual but as a source of qualities they desperately crave but can never sustain.

Instead of cherishing those qualities in you, though, they set out to consume them. They don’t want to grow or share in your light; they want to drain it, to hoard it, to use it to fill their own emptiness. Your kindness becomes a weakness they can exploit, your strength a challenge they must break down, and your love a resource to siphon from.

So the relationship shifts, becoming a transaction rather than a connection. Every tender moment, every act of love, becomes something they twist to meet their needs. Your world starts to shrink as you find yourself giving more and receiving less, adjusting constantly to meet their shifting expectations. That initial brightness, that warmth and resilience they were drawn to, begins to dim. You might even start to feel like the very qualities that make you whole are somehow flaws something to hide rather than share. What was once your strength starts to feel like a burden.

But here’s the twist: while they may succeed in diminishing you for a time, they can never truly capture or extinguish your light. Those qualities are part of who you are; they can’t be possessed by someone else. Even if they leave you feeling drained, your strength, compassion, and empathy are still there, waiting to be rekindled. And while you have the ability to step out, to rebuild, and to move on, they are left to repeat this cycle locked forever in their own emptiness, forever seeking the next person to fill the void.

You were chosen because you’re everything they’ll never be. And while they may hold you in the dark for a time, they’ll never keep you there. That emptiness, that endless search for something they can never hold, is what keeps them trapped.

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