If a Narcissist Told the Truth (A Poem)
Do not fall in love with people like me. This isn't a plea for sympathy or a hollow confession. It's a stark warning, a glimpse into the chaos that resides within. I am a narcissist, acutely aware of the damage I inflict and the inevitable pain I bring.
I am a ticking time bomb, waiting to go off. My life began with needs unmet, with a void that grew from neglect and emotional absence. The mother wound is a cavernous space within me, consuming any light that tries to enter. In its depths, I crafted an armor of charm and grandiosity. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is the label, but to me, it’s survival, a method to cope with a world that feels perpetually hostile.
My existence is a carefully constructed illusion, a fortress built on lies and self-delusion. To admit vulnerability would be to confront an unbearable chasm of inadequacy and fear. So, I fortify my reality with grandiosity and denial. This kingdom of falsehoods is all I have ever known, a precarious structure built on shifting sands.
I view the world in black and white. There is no middle ground, no gray area. Either you are all good or you are all bad. When you are good, you are my savior, my validation, my everything. But if you slip, if you challenge my façade, you become the enemy. And when you are bad, I will do everything I can to destroy you, discredit you, and protect the false world I’ve created.
When we first meet, the love bombing begins. You are showered with affection, praise, and attention. I will take you to all your favorite spots, create perfect moments that feel like a dream. It’s intoxicating, isn’t it? You are my muse, my ideal partner, the cure to my emptiness. But this euphoria is a trap. The beautiful gestures and loving words are designed to ensnare you, to draw you into my orbit. I need you to validate me, to sustain my fragile sense of self.
But the high of idealization doesn't last. Once you are secure in my grasp, the devaluation begins. Your flaws, once overlooked, become intolerable. Your independence, once admired, becomes a threat. I will criticize you, undermine you, erode your self-confidence. It’s not that I hate you; I am terrified you will see through my façade and discover the void within.
And when you are no longer useful, when you cease to bolster my faltering ego, the discard will come. I will walk away, leaving you with the ruins of what once felt like paradise. The places we visited, the moments we shared, they will haunt you. You’ll never return to those spots without feeling a bitter taste of betrayal, like blood in your mouth.
This is my apology, not in empty words, but in raw truth. My love was a mirage, a beautiful lie spun from my deepest fears and insecurities. I am sorry for the hurt, the confusion, the betrayal. But understand this: it was never truly about you. It was always about the void within me, the insatiable need for validation in a life devoid of genuine self-worth.
Do not fall in love with people like me. Save yourself the heartache. Love yourself enough to walk away, to demand better, to seek out the kind of love that nourishes rather than consumes. My reality is a prison, and my love is the bait. Escape while you can.
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