Sometimes no matter how hard you try its not enough

There's going to come a day when the person that hurt you so badly acknowledges what they've done and realizes how they shattered you. I think they already know exactly what they've done, but something is going to happen in their life that is so tragic. An event that hurts them right down to their core. They're gonna find themselves alone, kinda like how we find ourselves after these relationships.

We are kind, loving, and reasonable people. There are not many people that will show up for us after this. The truth, is people don't like to have to get involved when someone has a major life event happening, it's too much for them. Someone's parents or child may pass away, someone may get sick, lose their home, or get out of a narcissistic relationship. For most normal people, they have a lot of things going on in their lives. When we get out of these relationships, people don't show up for us like we show up for them. 

Now for the narcissist, As they get older, it's even worse for them. I told my narcissist that "There's going to come a day that you regret what you've done. I'm not gonna be here when somebody gets sick or passes away". "When someone's illness progresses and they don't remember who you are". My heart hurts for him because Who's going to be there for him to help pick up the pieces? Who's gonna be there for him as an individual? Not for the guy with the pretty face or the one that is good in bed. 

A lot of people don't see people for their value. They only see them for what they can take from them. I never looked at my narcissist like that. I saw him as a person. Believe it or not, as an entire person. I saw behind the mask. I wish he would have known, I loved and accepted that person too. The person behind the mask. There's beauty in that person, too. There's so much darkness, but there is magnificence in there as well.

You know what, when that day comes, I am not gonna be there. I'm not going to show up for him. That hurts me so much because I never wanted to take back a commitment. I promised I was always going to be there for him. That I would never give up on him. The boy with the beautiful blue eyes made me break that promise. He warned me early in the relationship, "Everybody ends up leaving me and you will too". I didn't believe him then, but he was right. If I would have stayed any longer, I would have lost my life. That's how I know, he knew in the very beginning exactly how it would end. He understood he wouldn't be able to stop his dark passenger.

I loved him precisely the way he was. The "false self", his dark passenger "behind the mask", and behind that, the beautiful little boy, who so desperately needs to feel secure and cared for. I tried my best. No matter how hard you try, sometimes it's just not enough.